No. 277: "Summerize"

No. 277: "Summerize"

No. 277: "Summerize"

Testing your knowledge of what happened this week
July 19 1999 10:47 PM

No. 277: "Summerize"

Trent Lott, Ronald Reagan, and Steve Martin did it when they were young, and this summer more than 400,000 people will attend camps to learn how to do it better. Do what?

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Send your answer by noon ET Tuesday to newsquiz@slate.com.

Thursday's Question (No. 276)--"Circuit Breaker":

Fill in the blank as ACLU lawyer Pamela Summers disdains an opinion handed down by the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 11th Circuit: "The courts are saying 'We'll just have a local option on the Constitution, and you people down there in Alabama can go ahead and _____________ all you want.' "

"Name your children 'Fob.' "--Charlie Glassenberg (Molly Shearer Gabel had a similar answer.)

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"Sign eighth-grade football players to letters of intent."--Mark Greenberg

"Buy all the slaves you can afford."--Leslie Goodman-Malamuth (similarly, Bjorn "I Want a Malcolm X Beard" Larsen, Michael S. Gilman, and Andrew Staples)

"I don't know, but I heard screamin' and bullwhips crackin'."--Barbara Lippert (similarly, Peter Carlin and Dwayne Hitt)

" '@#$^*%@#!!!' There, I masked it. Now give me a goddamned R rating."--Greg Diamond

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Click for more answers.

Randy's Wrap-Up

The French mock the British, the British mock the French, the Serbs kill the Albanians, the Albanians kill the Serbs--ah, that crazy regional humor. But our anti-Southern jabs, above, are more than the ordinary scorn of neighbor vs. neighbor, more than urban vs. rural. Most of our jibes work a rich vein of educated vs. uneducated, which is another way of saying rich vs. poor. It's class warfare played out as a barnyard bestiality joke. What those dumb hicks really lack is the wherewithal for a fine university education that will lead to a job in the go-go tech sector.

There is one detail of Southern japes that has inverted its class associations. Several centuries ago, incestuous liaisons were for the aristocracy, now they're farmyard fun. In the former case, incest was a symptom of decadence, in the latter it's just rural isolation and the lack of dating opportunities. Them folks don't need loftier morals, they need a Starbucks.

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Southern Fried Answer

"You people down there in Alabama can go ahead and pray over the intercom all you want."

An opinion from a three-judge panel from the 11th circuit allows students to conduct organized prayers in school as long as they don't actively proselytize, and as long as school personnel have no direct role.

School officials said one change will be that pre-game prayers will now be conducted without the coach.

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Chandler called the decision, allowing students to use state facilities to foster religion, "hideously unprincipled." The ACLU is expected to appeal.

Sean Fitzpatrick's Ichthys Follow-Up

The Catholic Encyclopedia says:

Among the symbols employed by the primitive Christians, that of the fish ranks probably first in importance. Its popularity was due principally to the famous acrostic consisting of the initial letters of five Greek words forming the word for fish (Ichthys), which briefly but clearly described the character of Christ and His claim to the worship of believers: Iesous Christos Theou Yios Soter, i.e. Jesus Christ, Son of God, Saviour.

You've probably seen the bumper stickers of the fish symbol inscribed with Greek letters IX(TH)YS (iota chi theta upsilon sigma). Lately there have been stickers in which the fish has sprouted feet and eyes and is inscribed "Darwin." A couple of months ago in Atlanta I saw the Darwinian whatever being swallowed by a larger fish, inscribed "TRUTH." And the beat goes on.

Domain Name Availability Extra

Many a company about to launch its Web site discovers to its dismay that its name is already taken, part of the speculative frenzy in domain names. In that case, they can either buy the name from its owner or, with ingenuity, devise an alternative.

Which of the following is taken, and which is still available?

1. GeorgeWBush.com

2. ClarenceThomas.com

3. RudolphGiuliani.com

4. SchoolPrayer.com

5. SchoolShooting.com

6. EnormousPenis.com

7. TinyPenis.com

8. NicoleKidmanNude.com

9. NewsQuiz.com

Answers

1. GeorgeWBush.com is registered by the Governor Bush Committee.

DrunkOnMoney.com is available.

2. ClarenceThomas.com is registered by OneNetNow.

Scalia'sPuppet.com is available.

3. RudolphGiuliani.com is registered by Steven G. Mautner, D.D.S., P.A.

RudyGiuliani.com is registered by Fernstrom Inc.

Heartless.com is registered by SFHS.

ColdAndHeartless.com is registered by Carroll Inc.

MoreCops.com is available.

4. SchoolPrayer.com is registered by Log In Productions.

5. SchoolShooting.com is registered by Nolex.

SchoolSpittingAndCursing.com is available.

6. EnormousPenis.com is registered by Donnie Grossman.

7. TinyPenis.com registered by Tiny Penis, Ltd.

TinyLimpPenis.com is available. Act quickly. Too quickly.

8. NicoleKidmanNude.com is registered by Cupcake Party.

TrentLottNude.com is available. And scary.

9. NewsQuiz.com is registered by the mysterious Adam A. Corelli.

But StromThurmond'sAss.com is, as News Quiz regulars know, very available.

Ongoing Domain Name Extra

Participants are invited to submit a pair, similar to the examples above, of a domain name that is already taken along with an amusing and available alternative.

You can check the availability of domain names at http://www.eHost.com/domain_reg/index.html.

Replies due by noon ET Thursday.

Common Denominator

Rural incest.