No. 246: "Unundercover"

No. 246: "Unundercover"

No. 246: "Unundercover"

Testing your knowledge of what happened this week
May 20 1999 10:10 PM

No. 246: "Unundercover"

"We're not hiding it," says Capt. Michael Fallon of the Hartford Police Department, hoping to ease community fears. In fact, they plan to take it to fairs so children can climb on it and have their pictures taken with it. What?

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Send your answer by 5 p.m. ET Sunday to newsquiz@slate.com.

Wednesday's Question (No. 245)--"Dis Sent":

Gerald Vollmer-Heurer has a plan, and Dirk Adol hates it. "It is cheap, it is degrading, it is smelly," says Mr. Adol, who has a plan of his own. "What I propose is something clean, useful and solid." What is the subject of Dirk and Gerald's disagreement?

"I don't know, but Procter & Gamble wants a piece of it."--Norman Oder

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"Gerard wants Harry Knowles to replace Siskel; Dirk prefers Michael Medved."--Matt Sullivan

"American cheese in a peelable plastic envelope. Oh, really? String cheese in plastic. Oh, you're kidding. A thimble of gum surrounded by hard candy. Oh! Well, never mind."--Winter Miller

"Brands of household cleaners. You know, this is the kind of thing our newspapers are going to be just filled with if we let gay marriage go any further!"--Dale Shuger

"Like everyone else, they're talking about ground troops."--Alex Pascover

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Randy's Rare Personal Wrap-Up

Neil Simon himself flew in for opening night of the München dinner theater production; that much I'm sure of. And I remember the first scene; the boys are playing poker.

Dirk: Gerald, you are such neat! Too such!

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Gerald: Nein, Dirk, das ist nicht ein Schveinhause!

After that, all I recall is searing intestinal pain. I think I had a bad piece of bratwurst. But whether it was the deft comic performances (James Coco as Gerald; a 50-gallon drum of sauerkraut as Dirk) or Doc's brilliant writing, something about that evening left a lasting impression. Years later, in the middle of one of our all-too-frequent quarrels, I said to my wife: "Oh, honey, what's happened to us? We used to be so happy, and now we fight like Dirk and Gerald!" And she replied, paraphrasing Dr. Johnson, "When a man grows tired of cheap, degrading, and smelly, he's grown tired of life, you jerk." The next morning, we flew to Vegas and renewed our vows.

X Deutsche Marks the Spot Answer

The two men have competing ideas for disposing of the 2,600 tons of German paper money that nation will discard as it switches over to the euro.

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Vollmer-Heurer proposes mixing the old bills with rotting garbage and animal excrement to produce compost. Adol has a method for shaping shredded bills into pellets and using those as an ingredient in lightweight bricks with excellent insulating properties.

"Building pellets or manure," muses a philosophical Karl Schnitzler of the Bavarian State Central Bank, "the question is secondary. The mark will soon be history, and what matters is the stability of the currency in use."

Headline Haiku Extra

(Four lines with the same number of words; each word-group found adjacent to each other in a headline; all four headlines from the same edition of one newspaper.)

To break impasse
over ancestral land
motions on crisis
must remain Serbian

Irish Times, May 19, 1999

--Kieran Healy

Private Eyes
His Own
Free Can
Of Islam

Village Voice, May 25, 1999

--Francis Heaney

Joystick jockeys
Backstreet Boys
Torture Trial
White Noise

Village Voice, May 25, 1999

--Andrew Silow-Carroll

Fed stays
the course
of its bias
but warns

Philadelphia Inquirer, May 18, 1999

--Andy Witney

Fish on a bed
Writer radiates inner peace
Harmonic style and form
For under 35's only

New York Times, May 19, 1999

--Beth Sherman

suit drops
so vulnerable
tattoo found
mission changing

Associated Press, May 19, 1999

--Scott Baisch

Quayle No Longer Alone
In Grave Robbing Scheme
Class Action Trial Starts
Cheese Blamed in '97

San Francisco Chronicle, May 19, 1999

--Jeffrey Brax

Beautiful Baby? Just
Leaving The O.R.
Wriggle and Writhe
Over High-Dose Breast

New York Times, May 18, 1999

--Steve Smith

Dream Statement Focus
U.S. Probe Confirmed
Work Backs Up
Good Eating Calendar

--Eric W. Kopp

Giuliani snubs
Mayor disparages
Little gripes
Mentally ill

New York Times

--Nancy Rhode

Thanks to the Amazon
Elvis and Lost Souls
Seek System to Review
To Explain Web Mania

Wall Street Journal, May 18 1999

--Heather Harmon

Her Party's in Turmoil
Evasiveness May Run
Manhole Lids aloft
In a Sharp Rebuff

--Winter Miller

Common Denominator

Cheap, degrading, smelly things: cheese and Joyce Maynard.