News Quiz

No. 237: “Flawed and Tailored”

The bombing campaign–15,000 bombs and missiles so far–is working, says Germany’s Gen. Klaus Naumann, NATO’s senior military officer. “We will see how they will feel after a few more weeks and months or what have you of continuously pounding them into pieces.” However, he adds, “We may have one flaw in our thinking.” What?

Send your answer by noon ET Thursday to newsquiz@slate.com.

Tuesday’s Question (No. 236)–“Tragedy Plus Time Minus Taste”:

Columbine students resumed classes Monday at nearby Chatfield High School. Many wore white T-shirts imprinted on the front with “We Are…” and on the back … what?

“… Guaranteed straight A’s.”–Stuart Wade and Brooke Saucier

“… Famous.”–Matt Sullivan and Charles Star (Lynn Rosetta, Lori Hoffman, and Greg Diamond had similar answers.)

“… Suing.”–Greg Diamond

“… Not riding the bus for fear of a NATO misfire.”–Michael Holloway (similarly, David Ballard)

“Hmm … that’s odd. I could have sworn I had my 10-foot pole right here …”–Tim Carvell

Click for more answers.

Randy’s Wrap-Up

Some participants, confused by the question, replied with slogans for both the front and back of the Littleton T-shirt. I blame the ambiguous use of ellipses. And those damn video games. Violent movies. The estrangement of too many parents from John McCain’s life. (Have any of you phoned him today?) Our failure to embrace a lackluster technical fix from Al Gore and his Web cronies. The absence of Orrin Hatch praying in the nation’s schools. (Isn’t there some high-tech way to fly him from class to class, perhaps on Boeing’s new Delta III rocket; you know, once it stops malfunctioning.) I’ll tell you who I don’t blame, the NRA. Or myself. OK, I do blame myself. I should simply have asked: “What did it say on the back?” Sorry.

Displeasing in content as well as in form, today’s question garnered a record number of responses scorning the heartlessness of News Quiz. It also garnered a record number of responses, or if not a record, certainly a lot. So, presumably participants were not as offended as they claimed to be. When Boswell expressed enormous sympathy for the victims of an earthquake, Johnson took him to task for his showing deep feeling, saying he doubted that Boswell had even missed a meal. Johnson disdained exaggeration. If anyone wants to discuss this further, I’ll be at Chuck Heston’s house hacking around on his Playstation and giving him a little talking to. Of course it’s his fault.

A 100 Percent Cotton Answer

The front of the T-shirts says, “We are …” and the back says, “Columbine.” Chatfield, Columbine’s traditional rival, welcomed their guests with banners and signs including, “We Are One,” featuring Columbine’s colors, blue and white, and Chatfield’s colors, maroon and white, entwined in a heart.

Mom-arama Extra

Giddily promoting online shopping for Mothers Day, Yahoo reduces every mom to 18 categories of desire, each linked to shopping opportunities. Which of these are actual Yahoo Mother’s Day categories?

1. Candies and Sweets

2. Beer and Cigarettes

3. Fashions for Mom

4. Inappropriately Erotic Fashions for Mom

5. For the Home

6. For the Farm, Factory, or Faculty Lounge

7. Get Mom Online

8. Get Mom off Crack

9. Her Green Thumb

10. Her “Blond” Hair

11. Her Incessant Nagging

12. Leave Me Alone! Leave Me Alone! Leave Me Alone! Oops, sorry.

13. Moms-To-Be

14. Moms-To-Beware-Of

15. Movies and Video

16. Liquor and Porn

17. Music

18. Persistent Abrasive Noises

19. Pamper Her

20. Pester Her

21. Leap out of the Closet and Scare the Bejesus out of Her

22. Perfume

23. Other Things With Powerful Odors

Real Yahoo Mom

1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 13, 15, 17, 19, 22

Common Denominator

Heartless online quizzes.