No. 213: "Three for All"

No. 213: "Three for All"

No. 213: "Three for All"

Testing your knowledge of what happened this week
March 26 1999 3:30 AM

No. 213: "Three for All"

Fill in all three blanks with the same word in this remark by Rudolph Giuliani: "There is no __________ ... I know what _______ is. There is no ________ going on in the city."


by noon ET Thursday to e-mail your answer to

Tuesday's Question (No. 212)--"Bad Chubbies":

Monday in federal court, Itsy Bitsy lawyers told a judge that Bubbly Chubbies must be destroyed. Why?

"Because they refuse to sign the Kosovo peace agreement."--Brooke Saucier (Robert Rothman had a similar answer, but with sufficient whimsy to distract from the stench of death.)

"Old Yeller bit them."--Chris Thomas

"They're much too butch."--Jennifer Miller

"That monologue writers might live."--Chris Kelly

"Because Bubbly Chubbies are made by exploited East Asian children, while Itsy Bitsies are made by exploited East Asian adults."--Norm Oder

Click for more answers.

By rights, this story should have taken place in Japan, the most cuteness-loving country on earth and, coincidentally, the most pornography-laden nation on the planet, and hence a popular destination for vacationing animated space monsters. With perky breasts. And huge, adorable eyes. Whose crazy adventures are recounted in comic books available in vending machines on the platforms of every Tokyo train station. So what are we to make of this Hello Kitty Porn juxtaposition?


Betty Boop. That was the American manifestation of a big-eyed, baby-talking erotic ideal, a sexual fashion that's come and gone. (It is gone, right? Poppin' Fresh--he's a whole other thing, right?) Perhaps in Japan the cute and the concupiscent do not coincide but coexist as two distinct phenomena. Like here in the United States with sex and the pizza. Still separate, right? Could I have that with pepperoni?

Telechubbies Answer

Bubbly Chubbies must be destroyed because they're a knock-off of Teletubbies.

The suspiciously cuddly and maybe just a little too adorable dolls, on sale in Wal-Mart's 2,435 stores, threaten the $800-million-a-year business generated by the originals. Even the name was chosen "deliberately to rhyme with Teletubbies," charged lawyers for the Itsy Bitsy Entertainment Company, the Teletubbies' owners.


"The company would never knowingly infringe anyone's copyright," said Wal-Mart spokesman Michael Maher. "Can I offer you a drink--a Croaka-Cola, or maybe something stronger, like a shot of Jack Spaniels?" he didn't add.

Arthur Stock's Extra

Other real life trademark cases:

  • Bozo the Clown vs. Bozo Steakhouse
  • Wisconsin Cheeseheads vs. Wisconsin Cheesetops
  • and now pending in almost every country in Europe, Budweiser the Evil American Conglomerate vs. Budweiser the Small Town in the Czech Republic Where They Make Beer


IKEA/Valhalla Extra

Which of the following is a well-designed yet inexpensive CD rack sold at the popular Swedish furniture store, and which is a figure in Norse mythology?

God or Furniture?

1. Stiltje


2. Adhumbla

3. Rätt

4. Skallid

5. Sleipnir

6. Golif

7. Ymir

8. Moppe

9. Solna

10. Hela


1. CD holder, wicker, $59

2. Huge cow in Norse creation myth

3. CD rack, wood & metal, $9.95

4. CD tower, wood, $34.95

5. Odin's eight-footed steed

6. CD tower, pine, $14.95

7. Giant formed from condensed fog who lived on Adhumbla's milk

8. CD chest, plywood, $29

9. Neither; it's a town near Stockholm

10. Goddess of the dead

Common Denominator

Gay Teletubbies.