You chew household objects and drool copiously, and perhaps you defecate or urinate on the floor.
Who are you, and what should you do next?
by noon ET Wednesday to e-mail your answer to email@example.com.
Tuesday's question (No. 168)--"East/East":
"We've been made the butt of a joke in New York--on television, in the newspapers. We take it not as funny but as something very serious." Who said this about what?
"Rudolph Giuliani, on his administration. Which is why he's outlawed television and radio, starting today. Also, he's dissolved the Reichstag. And Newark, N.J., is looking like an awfully convenient 'corridor to the sea.' "--Tim Carvell (Arlene Hellerman and Bill Cavanaugh had similar answers.)
"The ghost of Andrew Johnson speaks out, in the first person plural, against his recent bad press. 'Although we may have fired a Cabinet minister without congressional approval, we never had sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.' "--Andrew Staples
"Blue-collar residents of the outer boroughs, about TV shows such as The King of Queens and comic strips such as Dumb Bastards From Brooklyn."--Alex Balk
"Sante Kimes, about her odd child-rearing techniques."--Larry Amaros
"A Dunkin' Donuts spokesman, on the termination of the Rugrats product tie-in negotiations."--Matthew Cole
Click for more responses.
Once, when you were made the butt of a joke, a recurring punch line on Johnny, it really was serious: You were finished as a public figure. (See Dan Quayle.) More recently, when you become a running gag on Dave or Jay, you're merely humanized. (See Dan Quayle.) Perhaps that's as it should be. Mockability is an evanescent quality; it's the slip-up, the gaffe, the anomalous pratfall. To joke about such things is the comic equivalent of scandal journalism, focusing on crime rather than policy. But it's not their missteps that are the problem, it's their steps. Or as a former editor of Harper's once said, it's not what's illegal that's the crime; it's what's legal.
Deep-Fried, Cream-Filled Answer
As everyone knew, Jack Laudermilk, a lawyer for Dunkin' Donuts, said it about a photograph in the New York Post of a mouse nibbling a doughnut in the window of one of the franchise's midtown Manhattan outlets.
"Anytime someone laughs at your trademark and what's going on in your shops, you've been damaged," said Laudermilk.
On Monday, Dunkin' Donuts filed suit against the Riese Organization, the owner of that Manhattan store.
Three Pairs Extra
Each duo has something in common. What?
1. Bill Paxon and Vernon Jordan
2. Princess Diana and Delaware
3. Japanese Justice Minister Shozaburo Nakamura and Yankees owner George Steinbrenner
1. Work mates: The former New York congressman has joined Akin, Gump, Strauss, Hauer & Feld, the law and lobbying firm where Jordan works, along with founding partner and former Democratic National Committee head Robert Strauss. It's bipartisanship at its finest--rich and powerful Democrats joining rich and powerful Republicans to help rich and powerful clients.
2. Money mates: Each is honored by a new minting, Diana on a 5 pound coin, and Delaware on the first of a series of 50 commemorative quarters. One of them shows somebody on a horse.
3. Remorse mates: Each made a public apology--Nakamura for calling the United States a bully, and Steinbrenner for the way he fired Yogi Berra.
Today's most frequent target: Rudolph Giuliani.
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