Jacques Rapoport led the search for something "that was sweet rather than violent, that lingered for two weeks, and that suggested a feeling of cleanliness and well-being rather than of filthiness being covered up." What was Rapoport looking for?
by noon ET Tuesday to e-mail your answer to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thursday's question (No. 160)--"Put the Dis Back in Description":
"Smelly, Lethargic, Incoherent." Ads in many papers caution that someone like this is probably ... what?
"Dead."--Paul Tullis (Ellen Macleay had a similar answer, with Tic-Tacs.)
"Electable."--Brooke Saucier (similarly, Winter Miller)
"Dying to meet you!"--Ananda Gupta
"Brian Dennehy in Death of a Salesman."--Chris Kelly
"A newborn baby. Mine's a full week old, and he's still acting like a drunk."--Eric Fredericksen
"Leno: 'Ready for his Viagra'; Letterman: 'The typical CBS viewer'; Maher: 'Next to Ariana, on my immediate left.' "--Daniel Radosh
Click for more responses.
Events have unfolded so rapidly since this question was posted last Thursday that it's difficult to distinguish the smelly from the lethargic, the lethargic from the incoherent, the incoherent from Henry Hyde's Holocaust history. As I understand it, Rep. Bob Livingston announced his resignation, demanded the president follow suit, and called for those other adulterers, former Presidents Kennedy, Eisenhower, Roosevelt, Jackson, and Jefferson to return from the dead and resign retroactively. Livingston's rationale seems to be that children take government officials as their role models (particularly those in the Federal Communications Commission and the Bureau of Weights and Measures--did I get that part right?), most of whom now have the shoe deals Nike just canceled with out of work basketball players. And of course You've got Mail opened, along with its homosexual pornographic knockoff, You've Got Males. I'm exhausted. But I won't resign.
Glassy Eyed Answer
Someone like this is probably an inhalant-abusing teenager.
"Few realize that just one sniff can cause death," asserts the Partnership for a Drug-Free America. To find out which ordinary household products will get you high, ask your kids. "Half of all 14-15 year olds have been offered inhalants." Sorry, I mean "Warn your kids before it's too late, because we don't recommend the other means of detection. It's called an autopsy.
"To learn more about inhalants, what they are, and where in your home they can be found [Oh, Lordy, those bastards have been been poking around my home!], we urge you to call (800) 729-6686."
To learn more about what Slate's Seth Stevenson knows about this dubious organization, we urge you to click here.
Seasonal Sequels Extra
Below, actual holiday movies and their putative sequels. Can you tell which of the follow-ups are authentic?
1. Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas
Emmet Otter's Fur Coat Christmas
2. The House Without a Christmas Tree
The House Without Adequate Wiring or a Reliable Smoke Detector
3. How the Grinch Stole Christmas
How the Grinch Made Grinchtown the Home of the 2002 Winter Olympics
4. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Santa Claus Subjects the Martians to a Sustained Campaign of Long Range Bombing but Fails to Actually Conquer Them
5. Le Martien de Noël (a k a The Christmas Martian)
Le Pere Noël est une Ordure (a k a Father Christmas Has a Funny Smell)
6. Nestor, the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey
Nestor, the Christmas Donkey with Cute Little Ears and an Impressive Bust, Thanks to Cosmetic Surgery
7. Weihnachtsfieber (a k a Christmas Fever)
Weihnachten mit Willy Wuff II--Eine Mama für Lieschen
8. The Online Adventures of Ozzie the Elf
The Prison Adventures of Ozzie the Elf, Convicted Pornographer
9. Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July
Rudolph and Frosty's Binge and Purge Weekend With Calista Flockhart
10. Santa vs. the Snowman
Jesus vs. Santa (a k a The Spirit of Christmas)
None are sequels, but 5, 7, and 10 are actual movies, although I may have mistranslated 5.
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