By Randy Cohen
"Are you ready to make real noise?" This slogan is part of a new multimillion-dollar campaign--to persuade whom to do what?
by noon ET Wednesday to e-mail your answer (firstname.lastname@example.org).
Responses to Monday's question (No. 134)--"Dewey Eats Truman":
Participants are invited to provide a postelection headline that, in a just universe, would run Wednesday in the media outlet of their choice.
"D'Amato Wins; Sulfur Fumes at Victory Bash Fell Three."--Beth Sherman
"Women's Wear Daily: D'Amato Concedes. Vows Return to Runway."--Jon Hotchkiss
"USA Today: Midwest Autumn Colors Extravaganza."--Brooke Saucier
"CNN Newsstand/Time: Sen. Al D'Amato Sprayed With Deadly Sarin Gas."--Tim Carvell
"All Good Candidates Lose; Eric Zicklin 'Too Busy' To Vote."--Eric Zicklin
Click for more responses.
"By the time you read this, I will already be politically dead." This is the election message Al D'Amato could send just a few short hours from now. (Or a few regular-size hours.) This would be great for the country but tough on "News Quiz," already perilously low on favorite targets. Tina Brown--gone. Strom Thurmond--could go like that. (Imagine me snapping my fingers, but in an attractive Italian suit and a better apartment.) Gwen Verdon--that was a freak accident; I'm sick about it. The trend is clear.
Consider cartoons: Tom needs Jerry, Bugs needs Elmer, J. Edgar Hoover needs decent Americans exercising their political freedoms. Our foes define us. Far more quiz responses kicked at D'Amato than at anyone else. (News Quiz encouraged this piling on, but certainly some of it was heartfelt.) What will we do without him? Sure, Rudy Giuliani is drawn to national office like a rat to the flame, if the flame is a trash fire or maybe a pile of old tires. (Sorry, moth.) But his fall will be swift and extremely amusing, yet brief. Whom will we choose who more durably embodies coldhearted thugishness, a lack of vision, and a deep contempt for our democratic institutions? Perhaps we need a retreat. Can we meet this weekend at Bohemian Grove?
One Angry Man Extra
Actual highlights of Bill Gates' video testimony yesterday at the Microsoft antitrust trial:
I don't remember using those words.
I don't know.
I don't remember sending it.
Well, how would I know that?
I have no idea what those numbers are.
I don't remember.
I really don't know what that means.
I have no idea what you're talking about when you say "ask."
I don't know.
I'm not sure.
Disclaimer: All submissions will become the property of Slate and will be published at Slate's discretion. Slate may publish your name on its site in connection with your submission.