A key component of Japanese financial reform.

"Having sex with ponies."--Bill Franzen

"Sir Vidia's Shadow interactive game; patrons pay $5 to be cruelly snubbed by V.S. Naipaul."--Tim Carvell

"Historically accurate sex with JFK re-creator."--Jean Harrington

"Spinning around until you're so dizzy you collapse. Try it!"--Rosemary Finch

"A giant Primatene Mist inhaler."--Alfa-Betty Olsen and Marshall Efron

"The New Rochelle Art Museum and Brushless Car Wash."--Floyd Elliot

"Thrill-packed 3-D movie ride: New Rochelle--A Tedious History."--Beth Sherman

"Automated device that uses 43 different measurements to perfectly fit the customer with a white turtleneck and khaki pants."--Jay Ackroyd

"A state-of-the-art drive-by urinal."--Barbara Lippert

"The New Rochelle Chamber of Commerce's 'Drive-Thru Power Colonic!^TM' "--Colleen Werthmann

"Bungee jumping from 'Eiffel Tower Tribute and Television Tower.' "--Kenton A. Hoover

"The New Rochelle Fertility Clinic's spanking-new Sperm Donation Center. Following swift criticism from the Westchester Christian Coalition, the New Rochelle PTA, and AARP, Cappelli ejaculated, 'OK, maybe it's more like 17 to 80! Sheesh!' "--Peter Lerangis

"The Speedi-Kwik Unisex Massagerie that's going up on the site of the old McKim Mead and White-designed Metro North train station. 'Hands-On Fun for Busy Commuters and Kids of All Ages!' "--Katha Pollitt

"Photographing, fingerprinting, and DNA sampling of all city residents."--Jon Delfin

"Speculating with the city's finances. Losing a billion dollars in derivative trading is not just for Nobel laureates anymore!"--Andrew Staples

"Viewing of Mary Tyler Moore's brassiere-clad bosom, last seen in Flirting With Disaster (the bosom and the actress). 'Screw the Adirondacks!' Cappelli announced, 'These babies have really stood the test of time.' "--Ryan Fox

"It's Monica Lewinsky ... and, of course, you ride her. And for 50 cents extra, she'll ride you."--Jon Hotchkiss

"The William Jefferson Clinton Interactive Apology Kiosk and Latte Shoppe."--Steve Reiness

"A helium-inhaling station. 'When everyone in town is running around talking like Mickey Mouse,' chuckled Mr. Cappelli, 'New Rochelle will be the wackiness capital of the tri-state area!' "--Rich Harrington

"Drive-By Shooting ride at the new Inner City World theme park. Other attractions: the Alley of No Return, the Rooftop Garbage Chute, and Crowd Control, a fire-hose-powered water ride."--Steven L. Smith

"The NYPD 'treatment,' if you know what I mean."--Ananda Gupta

"Reading the responses to 'News Quiz.' Except for the exhilarating part."--Doug Strauss