To Sir, With Love

To Sir, With Love

To Sir, With Love

Testing your knowledge of what happened this week
Oct. 22 1998 3:30 AM

To Sir, With Love

 

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"Five hundred eight is the share this week's Buddy Faro (affectionately titled 'Now You See Him, Now He's Dead,' Friday at 9 p.m. on CBS) will get. Nine is the total combined number of viewers of all other TV programming. Combined."--Jon Hotchkiss

"Pi, in Arkansas and Mississippi, respectively."--Jennifer Miller

"The respective ages of Woody Allen and his next leading lady."--David Rakoff

"It would take 508 Calista Flockharts to weigh the same as nine average humans."--Tim Carvell

"Total World Series runs scored by the Yankees and Padres, respectively."--Chris Thomas (Mitch Moetell and Ananda Gupta had similar answers, but with Redskins fever.)

"The value of my portfolio (in dollars) before the recent market dip; the current value."--David Finkle (Beth Sherman had a similar answer, but failing to diversify and concentrating her holdings in Microsoft stock.)

"The only integers not currently owned by Rupert Murdoch, who recently bid $10 million to buy '9' from John Lennon's estate."--Kate Wing

"Five hundred eight is the number of years from the Columbus 'discovery' of America in 1492 to his triumphant rediscovery of the United States in 2000. Nine is the number of ships he's bringing with him, only this time they're spaceships!"--Matt Sullivan

"Ratio of informative, amusing, or revealing factoids in the Harper's 'Index' to those in the Brill's Content rip-off of the Harper's 'Index.' Not represented because number is too small to be detected: informative, amusing, or revealing factoids in the Time 'Notebook' rip-off of the Harper's 'Index.' "--Daniel Radosh

"It's 'Fermat's Last Theorem' for Dummies."--Deb Stavin

"The number of 'On My Mind' columns A.M. Rosenthal has written; the number of those columns that made any sense."--Alex Balk

"Five hundred eight is the number of pitches in the first two games of the 1998 World Series. Nine is the number of correct ball/strike calls by home plate umpires in the first two games of the 1998 World Series."--Andrew Milner (similarly, Greg Diamond)

"The closing price of Microsoft stock on the day it wins or loses the antitrust suit, respectively."--Deb Stavin

"The first is the number of channels TCI's John Malone predicted cable systems of the future would have; the second is the dollar amount (in billions) he has acquired by people believing him."--Juris Odins

"Average number of sex acts per household per year in, respectively, France and Indiana."--Katha Pollitt

"The number of days that convicted rapist Mike Tyson has quelled his taste for human ears, and the number of days before he starts gnawing on his sparring partners' lobes, now that he can box again."--Andrew Staples

"Number of elementary- and secondary-school students Trent Lott is willing to sacrifice in his state per year so that deer hunters can have 9 mms to dispatch those 'stubborn' fawns."--Steve Reiness

"Five hundred eight is the number of shoes Imelda Marcos bought last week. Nine is the size. (She actually wears a 10 1/2 but didn't want the salespeople to think she has big feet, so she just bought 9s.)"--Dennis Levandoski

"The number of times Al D'Amato and Charles Schumer, respectively, have French-kissed Jesse Helms' campaign consultant Arthur Finkelstein."--Greg Diamond

"That's the win-loss record of the Parcells-led New York Jets against the New England Patriots in both regular season games and games played in my hideous, screaming nightmares."--Aaron Schatz

Fly Paper

"Excerpt from the Starr Report index: 'alteration of evidence, cigar, pp. 508-9.' "--Brooke Saucier

"Five hundred eight--the number of candidates in upcoming election who attack President Clinton for 'immorality.' Nine--the number of them completely free of similar behavior."--Norman Oder

"The respective approval ratings of Bill Clinton and Ken Starr, if James Carville had been in charge of the polling."--Ananda Gupta

"Five hundred eight is the full-figured cut of Monica Lewinsky's bluejeans and nine the numeric slang for half a mutual oral sex session, which does not actually meet the definition of sex."--John Snell

"That depends on what your definition of '508' and '9' are."--Tim Carvell

Self-Reference Corner

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"The Slate subscription base and the percentage who read 'News Quiz.' "--Peter Lerangis

Randy Cohen used to write Slate's "News Quiz." His most recent book—oh, like you don't know.