The Lift to the Loo

The Lift to the Loo

The Lift to the Loo

Testing your knowledge of what happened this week
Sept. 26 1998 3:30 AM

The Lift to the Loo

It's potassium-rich, like bananas sprinkled with potassium!

 

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"He was picketing Terrence McNally's new play, Corpus Christi. Surprisingly, however, his objections were based not on the gay subtext of the play but rather on his belief that, while it had its moments, Corpus Christi was no Love! Valour! Compassion!--much less a Lips Together, Teeth Apart. 'I'm telling you,' the reverend explained, 'ever since he parted ways with Nathan Lane, McNally's writing has just become bitter, bitter, bitter.' "--Tim Carvell

"Terrence McNally's play Christ Takes It Up the Ass. 'The most cursory reading of Scripture would make it clear to anyone that our Lord and Savior NEVER once took the sheets. We're talking major top.' "--David Rakoff

"It's kind of reassuring that a drama (I would have said 'straight play,' but I don't want to muddle the point) can evoke this level of response. Who knew the theater was still taken this seriously?"--Jon Delfin

"Ragtime."--Daniel Radosh

"Tom Cruise as Hamlet."--Stephanie Goldberg

"Conrad Bloom."--Cliff Schoenberg

"The WB, and who can blame him?"--Danny Franklin

"John Podhoretz's New York Post columns."--Andrew Milner

"Don Imus."--Jay Ackroyd

"The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer."--Charlie Glassenberg

The new Donny and Marie talk show. 'No offense to my Mormon brethren, but--they're just kind of sad, at this point.' "--Colleen Werthmann

"That new A.D.A. on Law & Order. First they get rid of Jill Hennessy, and now someone who's trying to out-vengeance McCoy?"--Adam Bonin

"Sister Wendy, defiant, anti-multiculturalist popularizer of art history."--M.G. Lord

"President Clinton. Fortunately, though, the reverend was removed from HIS public life, thanks be to a police car's sudden brake failure."--Bill Franzen

"Bootleg video of a youthful Karol Wojtyla singing backup with the Beatles at the Cave in Hamburg, Germany. Hammered on brown lager, he feels up a waitress and brawls with Stu Sutcliffe."--Jim O'Grady

"Jim Carrey, cast as gonzo comic Andy Kaufman in forthcoming biopic."--Carrie Rickey

"Macanudo's new line of 'Monica-flavored' cigars."--Alex Balk

"New Victoria's Secret catalog, showing Kenneth Starr in lime-green peekaboo bra, panties, and garter belt."--Katha Pollitt

"The premiere episode of Will & Grace, 'with that damn homoseckshual,' said the reverend."--Jon Hotchkiss

"The new TV season, with King of the Hill separated from The Simpsons and The X-Files and no Seinfeld to anchor the middle of the Friends and ER 'Must See Thursday' night lineup."--Kenton A. Hoover

"Sen. Al D'Amato (apparently a clone of Jesse Helms', according to Hillary Clinton)."--Andrew Staples

"Well, I was going to say 'Bob,' but it's actually the recognition of Sept. 24 as the Feast of the Blessed Virgin Lewinsky."--Chuck Lawhorn

"Groeschez was pointing into a mirror set up outside the West 55th Street theater where Terrence McNally's Corpus Christi is previewing. The blasphemy he wanted removed was himself."--David Finkle

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"Socialite Nan Kempner (I'm not entirely certain who that is, but 'News Quiz' seems to regard mentions of her as 'boffo')."--Angus MacDonald