September Song and Dance

September Song and Dance

September Song and Dance

Testing your knowledge of what happened this week
Sept. 12 1998 3:30 AM

September Song and Dance

Twice rejected as official topical quiz of the Russian Duma.

 

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"Fatheads."--Alfa-Betty Olsen

"Fat cats."--Marshall Efron

"Fattal attractions."--Alfa-Betty Olsen and Marshall Efron

"People who need to shed some avoirdupois."--M.G. Lord

"People who cannot identify France on a map."--Kate Wing (similarly, but mocking an ignorance of James Madison, Dennis Levandoski; of mathematics, Glennchuck Harrison; of spoken English, Juris Odins)

"People who believe iceberg lettuce is good for you."--Judith Spencer

"People who can tolerate Parisians."--David Finkle

"People who've had cybersex. (The French are better, of course, at the real thing.)"--Jonathan Snow

"Consumer interest in Gillette's 'Lady Mach 3' razor."--Ted Corley

"Religious fanatics."--Katha Pollitt

"Polydactylism."--Ross Bender

"Legislative branch insanity."--Eliot Cohen

"Citizens who believe in a return to 'strong-armed central government.' An administration spokesman expressed his 'glee' at finally passing Germany in this measure of political development."--Charlie Glassenberg

"Elected officials who use androstenedione."--Carrie Rickey

"People who think that their country should annex Belgium."--Tim Carvell

"Citizens still refusing to sport unattractive haircuts and comical trousers."--Nicole Cody

"People who spend an hour or more a day on the Internet talking about Strom Thurmond's ass."--Barbara Lippert

" 'News Quiz' answers involving potty jokes and/or Strom Thurmond's ass, as meticulously calculated by Kate Wing."--Daniel Radosh

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"News Quiz readers who agree with Kate Wing about this doody-head business. Coincidentally, the same percentage of men in these countries who've watched My Giant after Viagra-enhanced intercourse on a carpet washed with free-range rug shampoo."--Sam Coppersmith

Randy Cohen used to write Slate's "News Quiz." His most recent book—oh, like you don't know.