By Randy Cohen
Dead at 79, Broadway and ballet great Jerome Robbins.
What do critics consider his greatest mistake?
by 5 p.m. ET Sunday to e-mail your answer (newsquiz@slate.com).
Responses to Wednesday’s question (No. 90)–“A and Q”:
I give Mike McCurry’s answer; you give the question from yesterday’s White House press conference.
Answer: “He is a human being. I don’t think that would be a surprise to anyone.”
“That Elephant Man: Is he some kind of animal, or what?”–Daniel Radosh (Beth Sherman had a similar answer, as did Juris Odins, with an anti-Gingrich sting.)
“Is it true that President Clinton copped a cheap feel off the widows during the funeral for the policemen slain at the Capitol?”–Chris Thomas
“Mike! Is Larry King a frog?”–Tim Carvell
“Have the recent subpoenaed medical files revealed anything significant about Linda Tripp?”–Peter Lerangis (similarly ad hominem: Alli Sondak, Larry Amaros, and Rich Harrington)
“Why does the president still buy, like, $50 worth of scratch tickets every week?”–Danny Spiegel
“Does the president get a ‘warm, tingly feeling’ when he thinks about carrying the new Sacajawea coin in his front pocket?”–Charlie Glassenberg
“Trent Lott: animal, vegetable, or mineral?”–Doug Strauss
Click for more responses.
Randy’s Wrap-Up
O.J. Simpson’s mansion is razed, Clarence Thomas’ feelings are hurt, and Mike Tyson goes nuts at a New Jersey Boxing Commission hearing while explaining that he’ll never lose his temper again–and “News Quiz” is supposed to pose only a single question? Did we explore the paralyzed Chinese gymnast’s request for a visit from Leonardo DiCaprio or Marie Claire magazine’s request for Susan Sarandon to handle the January issue, so happy was it with the editorial brilliance of Gwyneth Paltrow? We did not. And Al Sharpton’s newspeak claim of victory when the Pagones jury nailed him for $60,000 in punitive damages: Did we get to poke that with a stick? Nope. And what about members of the entertainment industry (i.e., Saturday Night Live) mocking average Americans (i.e., Linda Tripp)? Would you really want to defend the claim that SNL is entertaining? News Quiz would, but there’s just no time. However, we would like to mention that to clean and polish the leaves of your Amorphophallus titanum, an enormous tropical flower that smells like rotting flesh, you can’t beat free-range rug shampoo.
Put On a Happy Answer, i.e., Question
Question: “Well, that would suggest, Mike, that if the president’s pleased that things are working out for Monica Lewinsky, there’s still some sympathy that he has toward the former intern here?”
Steven L. Smith’s Casting Couch Extra
For a dramatic re-enactment of the Ken Starr investigation, S.L.S’s choice of actor is listed first, followed by those of other News Quiz participants.
Ken Starr…………Ed Harris
Matt Damon–Colleen Werthmann
Bill Clinton…………Woody Harrelson
Ralph Fiennes–CW
Hillary Clinton…………Michelle Pfeiffer
Betty Buckley–Barbara Lippert
Sharon Stone–CW
Monica Lewinsky…………Ricki Lake
Sherilyn Fenn–BL
Shannen Doherty–CW
Linda Tripp…………Kathy Bates
Glenn Close–CW
Susan McDougal…………Susan Sarandon
James McDougal…………Albert Finney
Webster Hubbel…………Randy Quaid
Aaron Albright’s Addenda
Grand Juror…………Pauli Shore
Kathleen Willey…………Madonna
Wolf Blitzer…………Joe Pesci (with rug, of course)
Udo Kier–CW
Dan Burton…………Fred Thompson
Paula Jones…………Paula Jones
Aaron Osterby Includes
Vernon Jordan…………James Earl Jones
Matt Drudge…………Himself
Colleen Werthmann Expands
Marcia Lewinsky…………Linda Hunt
Mike McCurry…………Kevin Spacey
Chelsea Clinton…………Dominique Swain/Heather Graham/Liv Tyler
Dick Gephardt…………Tommy Lee Jones
Al Gore…………Norm Macdonald (trying to salvage movie career by playing “heavy”)
Betty Currie…………Angela Bassett
Jesse Helms…………Charles Durning
Chelsea’s College Boyfriend…………Joaquin Phoenix
Court Stenographer…………Colleen Werthmann (hooks up with Starr at the end)
Peter Arnett…………Johnny Depp (in heavy makeup)
Barbra Streisand…………Herself
Doug Strauss Enhances
Tim Russert…………Randy Quaid
Sam Donaldson…………Leonard Nimoy
Chris Matthews and Linda Tripp…………Conan O’Brien and Andy Richter
Monica Lewinsky (in 2015 flash-forward)…………Linda Tripp
Linda Tripp (in 1980 flashback)…………Monica Lewinsky
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