By Randy Cohen
Starting Friday, July 31, a weeklong event will feature Fireworks Night, Hispanic Night, Asian Night, Jewish Night, Irish Night, and African-American Day. Can you name that event?
by 5 p.m. ET Sunday to e-mail your answer (email@example.com).
Responses to Monday's question (No. 86)--"Love Hurts":
Fill in the blank in this scrap of self-serving twaddle and identify the speaker: "For six years, ________________ was the love of my life, and love does not come without pain."
" 'Family Matters,' said Umberto Eco."--Chris Kelly
" 'Kellogg's Sugar Frosted Flakes drenched in heavy cream,' said Richard Simmons."--Leslie Goodman-Malamuth
" 'Amber, the Times Square stripper I must now banish,' said Rudy Giuliani."--Beth Sherman
" 'The nicotine patch,' said Barry McCaffrey."--Ananda Gupta
" 'Joanne Chesimard,' said Kitty Carlisle Hart."--Larry Amaros
" 'Chris Thomas,' said my clingy ex-lover, Cindy Crawford."--Chris Thomas
" 'I,' said Tina Brown."--Scot Billman
Click for more responses.
Congratulations to those who shunned the buggering Republicans response to a particularly tempting question. I salute your restraint. Maybe I shouldn't say "restraint." Or "salute." Or "tempting." Oh, the hell with it.
Last Licks Answer
"The New Yorker," wrote Tina Brown, assessing her tenure at the magazine with the confident fatuity of a commencement speaker, and concluding that she was wonderful. Appearing in the magazine's "Comment" section, where the writer's name traditionally runs at the end of the piece, the new Disney employee awarded herself a byline at the top in the largest typeface ever used for a "Comment" writer's ID. Among the memories evoked in her encomium--Harold Brodkey's bald, subversive pate; John Updike's austere, erect back; and James Thurber's vast, cosmopolitan ass, in conversation with itself. Or perhaps I misunderstood. It's not easy reading through the tears.
Kids' Corner: Inductive Reasoning
How fast can you name the category that defines each group of elements? Can you do it even faster? This might be on the SATs.
1. document, military order, after-action report, briefing paper, official military history
2. hint, nod, wink, subliminal reference
3. Rod Stewart, Ron Perelman, Kelsey Grammar
4. Lassie, Wonderama, Father Knows Best
1. Things that don't mention the pursuit of U.S. defectors as the mission of Operation Tailwind, according to Defense Secretary Cohen
2. Things that don't slyly allude to any such mission
3. Things that sweated at Southampton College on Tuesday
4. Things that won't be having an Original Cast Reunion Special
Scrap of half-remembered, unconvincing, patriotic pop song that made it to the charts in my We Ain't A-Scared of Yuri Gagarin youth:
Count down to zero,
There goes our hero:
Everybody's talkin' about the Shepard Man.
Alan Shepard, dead today at 74.
Disclaimer: All submissions will become the property of Slate and will be published at Slate's discretion. Slate may publish your name on its site in connection with your submission.