By Randy Cohen
Fill in the blank in this scrap of self-serving twaddle and identify the speaker: "For six years, ________________ was the love of my life, and love does not come without pain."
by 9 a.m. ET Wednesday to e-mail your answer (email@example.com).
Responses to Monday's question (No. 85)--"Gilt by Association":
During his official travels last week, a prominent American refused to visit someplace because he might "glamorize" it. Who? Where?
"Trent Lott, boycotting 'Breakfast With the Characters' at Disney World because of Chip and Dale's alternative lifestyle."--Beth Sherman
"Peter Arnett, declining to leave the hotel pool to visit the CNN editing suite, where his latest scoop was being assembled."--Christopher Clark
"A New York police officer, preferring to bring the hooker to the squad's coop rather than visit the brothel."--Dan Kois
"Mr. Blackwell, referring to the new Talbots opening in Ames, Iowa."--Larry Amaros
"Buddy, the first dog, refused to 'visit' Mrs. Newt Gingrich's ankle, dainty and sensual though it was, clad in sensible hose."--Meg Wolitzer
"Buffalo 66 director, egomaniac, and all-around pain in the ass Vincent Gallo, refusing to go pretty much anywhere. 'I stay home for fear of glamorizing things,' Gallo explained. 'Aigh! Look! I just glamorized you! Now get out of my house!' "--Tim Carvell
"Drug Czar Barry McCaffrey refused to visit an Amsterdam cafe, saying it would be 'inappropriate' while 'millions of Americans struggle with caffeine addiction.' "--Andrew Solovay (Gary Frazier and Scott Abisch had similar answers.)
Click for more responses.
Randy's Wrap-Up: Buggering Republicans
At a time when most Americans can't locate the Atlantic Ocean on a map*, I applaud the geographic savvy of "News Quiz" players, who can pinpoint the homosexual pickup spots in any American city likely to be frequented by a hypocritical Republican legislator. (Click.) However, if we are to move the News Quiz to an enormous domed stadium in midtown Manhattan at taxpayer expense, we must continue to deliver top quality political humor to the readers (and enormous cash contributions to the mayor). This means transcending predictable punch lines, amusing as they are, involving anal sex with a right-wing member of Congress. And it means, alas, forswearing our traditional celebration of Rudolph Giuliani's pettiness, cruelty, and utter lack of an urban vision. Will it work? Let us be guided by Rupert Murdoch, a vigorous supporter of reactionary representatives and visionless mayors, who just received a $24.4 million package of "incentives," including a $12.9 million cash grant, for agreeing to keep the New York Post in New York.
Don't make me revive the hack reference box scores.
* It's the big blue mass just off the coast of Strom Thurmond's ass.
Dutch Treat Answer
Gen. Barry McCaffrey, commander of America's war on drugs, refused to visit any of the 800 cafes in Amsterdam where marijuana is legally sold. On an eight day tour of European cities to learn about other approaches to drugs in society, McCaffrey told the Dutch, "I came here to listen and see what I can borrow." An aide said McCaffrey's listening and borrowing didn't extend to the cafes because he was already convinced that they were dangerous for young people because they made drug use seem normal and because they sold only inferior brands of Scotch. One Dutch newspaper called McCaffrey's policies "an unmitigated disaster." The aide did not actually say the bit about the Scotch.
Daniel Radosh's Tabloid Rashomon Extra
" 'You cannot really see fear on people's faces, but there is disappointment,' passenger Ivan Taylor told CNN by phone."--New York Daily News, July 21, 1998
" 'You can see fear on people's faces,' passenger Ivan Taylor told Fox News as the blaze was at its peak."--New York Post, July 21, 1998
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