By Randy Cohen
A July 9 announcement in Afghanistan spells trouble for that lovable kook Ally McBeal, among others. How so?
by noon ET Tuesday to e-mail your answer (firstname.lastname@example.org).
Responses to Thursday's question (No. 80)--"Three for All":
Orrin Hatch, U.S. senator; Tommy Lasorda, Los Angeles Dodgers general manager; John Schneider, Bo Duke of television's Dukes of Hazzard--what's the connection?
"Though they all love the American flag, they prefer the one on the hood of Bo's car."--Cliff Schoenberg
"They are the only three men receiving compensation in the breast implant class action suit against Dow Corning."--Peter Lerangis
"Wow. This is weird. These are the three men who were called up to the bema to recite the blessing over the Torah at my bar mitzvah."--Jon Hotchkiss
"They are the songwriter, bass player, and vocalist, respectively, of a neo-pat, post-wave, pro-flag folk singing group ready to cash in on this retro thing with the kids by recording an unplugged version of 'Green Beret.' "--Jack Hitt
"They all auditioned for the role of Eponine in the road company of Les Misérables."--Larry Amaros
"All I know is: Pamela Anderson Lee has a big mouth, because she was with me when I got exactly those three guys tattooed in a Mount Rushmore kind of thing on my ass. At least I had the good sense God gave me to say, 'No, Pam, let's leave the damn video camera off for once, OK, babe?' And now it looks like everyone knows about it. Great. You know how long it took me to get John Schneider to stop calling me the last time?"--Fred Graver
"They're locked in fierce competition for the title of Anti-Flag Burning Spice."--Beth Sherman
Click for more responses.
"It's standing there, a little worse for the wear, but quite ready to be restored, and in that sense it is a metaphor for our country, which is always ready to be restored." No, it's not Elizabeth Taylor; it's the original 15 star, 15 stripe Star-Spangled Banner President Clinton spoke of yesterday. The bulk of the money to spruce up the cherished national symbol will come from Ralph Lauren (né Lipschitz), longtime groveler over WASP culture, who has pledged $13 million of his corporate and personal funds to this project. Wasn't it Jefferson who said, "If a task is truly of great national import, it ought to be left to the whims of a clothing designer to finance it"? No, it wasn't. But what if some really crazy guy wanted to burn some off-the-rack flag as an expression of contempt for Ralph Lauren; isn't there something the cops can do? No, there isn't. At least, not yet.
Red, White, and Blazing Answer
As many of you know, Hatch, Lasorda, and Schneider appeared at the Senate Judiciary Committee hearing in support of a 28th Amendment to the Constitution that would ban flag burning. When Schneider heard the Supreme Court decision that flag burning is protected speech: "Shock tore at my heart and it is still tearing at my heart." He responded (as Jack Hitt knows) by recording a song called "I Love Old Glory," written by Sen. Hatch.
Lasorda rebuffed civil liberties types with this strict constructionist view: "Freedom of speech is when you talk." And, of course, when you talk about Slim Fast.
Tina Talk Extra
(It's like English, only hotter.)
"I really needed to have a business partner with me to ascertain that this isn't just high concept without having its feet in nitty-gritty land."--Tina Brown, Disney employee
"Just thinking about this week's magazine wasn't enough to keep me intellectually challenged. I wanted to grow in a more lateral way."--Tina Brown, admirer of Si Newhouse and Harvey Weinstein
"I began to feel a tremendous desire to have my motors raced."--Tina Brown, auto enthusiast or something
"I was sort of intrigued by the Brill label."--I don't know; maybe she's shopping for a coat or something
(I wanted a chance to) "put down the editorial DNA of a new magazine."--maybe a lab coat
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