By Randy Cohen
During his nine day China trip, what slogan is President Clinton least likely to see on a demonstrator's sign?
by 5 p.m. ET Sunday to e-mail your answer (email@example.com).
Responses to Wednesday's question (No. 72)--"Boomless":
I give the headline, you give a one-sentence summary of the story. From Florida's Osceola News-Gazette: "There Could Be No Boom This July."
"Florida's electric chair is almost fixed; condemned prisoners will no longer burst into flame and explode."--Steven L. Smith
"At a local junior high school graduation, Charlton Heston issues a tearful statement against gun-control laws. 'What would summer be without the joyous report of semiautomatic weapon fire?' he asks."--Daniel Radosh
"A case before the Supreme Court, Melvin vs. Wickawacka Summer Camp, argues that the campfire song 'Boom, Boom, Ain't It Great To Be Crazy' constitutes discrimination against those with mental disorders and hence violates the ADA."--Andrew Solovay
"Additional insurance companies are withdrawing Viagra coverage."--Brian Danenberg (Adam Bonin had a similar answer.)
"As thousands of area toddlers succumb to the side effects of Beechnut's new 'Olestra 'n' Me' line this June, authorities forecast a July of gratefully constipated children."--Beth Sherman
"An announcement by Pakistan's disappointed and frustrated minister of defense, after discovering that his atomic weapons testing program had used up all its bombs in June's tests trying to outdo India."--Herb Wilgis (similarly, Michael Jenkinson)
"No boom because no train make choo-choo after June."--Larry Amaros
"This can only mean one thing: Rudy Giuliani is the new mayor of Osceola."--Fred Graver
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Randy's Wrap-Up: Correction
The capable and attractive attorney who yesterday informed "News Quiz" that the proper impertinent nickname is not Tony Scalia, adds this further correction: "It's just Nino--no squiggly line to make it ninyo, as in el." Several of you wrote in with the same objection. The explanation is, in the musical phrase employed by the New York Times: "because of an editing error," which was, incidentally, how Nixon explained the Christmas bombing of Hanoi.
In those days, some defense plants posted a sign declaring, "Zero Defects Country." The inspirational slogan posted just inside the News Quiz main gate, where the workers can see it as they punch in each morning, is "No More Than Two or Three Defects Per Issue Country." The key to happiness is setting achievable goals. Over near the loading docks, you can just make out those faded WPA murals, Facts, Schmacts and Pursuing a Larger Truth.
If you're going to be in the area, phone ahead for our factory tour. The kids like seeing how irony is made. And there's a swell bit at the end where you can denigrate a model elected official. Or a model.
Smoke Choked Answer
Raging brush fires, exacerbated by weeks of drought, may prompt local officials to call for voluntary bans on fireworks this Independence Day.
It is nearly a year since her death, and the Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Committee has been seeking suitable forms of commemoration, paring down a list of 10,000 suggestions. Among the genuine and the cruelly fictitious notions below are several ideas the committee actually approved. Can you spot them?
1. A road tour of her lovely clothes for poor folks to gawk at for charity.
2. Maya Lin's Wall of Feckless Playboy Exes.
3. A £5 commemorative coin.
4. An overly elaborate garden.
5. Interactive poor, sick child that visitors can pat on the head for charity.
6. Community nursing homes for poor, sick children.
7. A 3-D, walk-through relief map of favorite vacation sites where she idled away the years.
8. Her own signature brand of margarine, for charity.
9. Something frightening called the "Anorexic Fountain."
10. A museum-cafe-gift-shop complex.
1, 3, 4, 6, 8, 10
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