Simply Irresistible

Simply Irresistible

Simply Irresistible

Testing your knowledge of what happened this week
June 13 1998 3:30 AM

Simply Irresistible

Rated R: Players must be 18 or say they are in a really serious voice.

Weekend Special
No. 65: "Simply Irresistible"

By Randy Cohen

According to one former Securities and Exchange Commission lawyer, "This is the most powerful lobbying force in America today." What is?

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by 5 p.m. ET Sunday to e-mail your answer (newsquiz@slate.com).

Responses to Wednesday's question (No. 64)--"Praise With Faint Damns":
Fill in the blank. At the Southern Baptist convention in Salt Lake City, Bill Leonard, dean of Wake Forest Divinity School, said, "The one place that Baptists had to admit that Mormons had something was in the strength of their ________."

"Decaf lattes."--Leslie Goodman-Malamuth (Bill Franzen and Jeremy Horowitz had similar answers.)

"Links to the Cali cartel."--Chris Kelly

"Massive, rippling pecs and abs. Oooh, honey, those Mormon men are built to last!"--Daniel Radosh

"Conviction that Baptists have a religion superior to their own."--Aandy Aaron

"Quarterbacks. That Steve Young can really take a concussion and come back throwing."--Dennis Levandoski

"Ability to date while married. (Has anyone ever pointed out how close 'Mormon' is to 'moron'?)"--Patty Marx

"Bass voices in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Because, after all, everyone knows that sopranos are an inferior species."--Mary S. Evans

"Families. 'But,' Leonard added, 'when you buy wives in bulk from Costco, it takes that much longer for things to unravel.' "--Beth Sherman

Click here for more responses.

Randy's Wrap-Up
     If "News Quiz" accepted personal ads and a participant were looking for Salt Lake City fun, she might write, "Must enjoy polygamy, proselytizing, team basketball, misogyny, the Osmonds, and intolerance." Those are the qualities News Quiz participants most associate with Mormons.
     So when it's Mormons vs. Southern Baptists, who's a girl to root for? There was a writer's room gag at the Letterman show that ran something like this:

Q: If Kirstie Alley and Jennifer Aniston fought to the death with hatchets, who would win?

A: The American viewing public.

    Intolerant? Certainly. But perhaps it's the intolerance the burgled feel for the burglar. Click here for Larry Amaros' summary of Mormon social policy. And consider that, for decades, the Southern Baptists have been on the wrong side of everything--opposed the civil rights movement, opposed gay rights, opposed feminism, boosted the war in Vietnam. As a consequence, they've become America's largest Protestant denomination, numbering among their ranks President Clinton, Vice President Gore, House Speaker Gingrich, and Senate Majority Leader Lott.
     Or, to put it another way:
Q: If the Mormons, the Southern Baptists, and the Taliban stripped to the waist and fought with Bowie knives, how would you find a date to the death match?

A: Through an inexpensive personal ad in News Quiz.

What Would Jesus Answer?
     Families.

Augmented Quotations (Final Sentence Added by News Quiz)
"The current economic performance, with its combination of strong growth and low inflation, is as impressive as any I have witnessed in my near half-century of daily observation of the American economy. So quit whining, Granny, and get me a Big Mac and a large fries."--Alan Greenspan, not a Cuban, not a Baptist

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"Rights for workers, liberty of expression, social benefits, free health care, education, children's parks--all that Fidel promised was going to happen has happened here in Canada. Thank God we didn't end up in New York."--Ismael Sambra , Cuban émigré

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Disclaimer: All submissions will become the property of Slate and will be published at Slate's discretion. Slate may publish your name on its site in connection with your submission.

Randy Cohen used to write Slate's "News Quiz." His most recent book—oh, like you don't know.