Simply Irresistible

Simply Irresistible

Simply Irresistible

Testing your knowledge of what happened this week
June 13 1998 3:30 AM

Simply Irresistible

Rated R: Players must be 18 or say they are in a really serious voice.



"Anti-black, anti-Jewish, anti-Christian, anti-gay convictions. That and the incredible plaque-fighting ability of the Osmond family (it would be sacrilegious to mention Mormons and NOT mention the Osmonds ... the last thing I need is to have Joseph Smith pissed off at me)."--Larry Amaros (similarly dental, Deanna Finley)

"Paper towels."--David Rakoff

"Piña coladas."--Andrew Cohen

"Original wacky ideas."--Merrill Markoe

"Haircuts."--Marshall Efron

"Anuses."--Charlie Rubin

"Bouncers."--Floyd Elliot

"Flour tortillas; nothing slips out!"--Winter Miller

"Lonely, unattractive converts."--Colleen Werthmann

"Anti-perspirant. Those suckers stay dry even during full-immersion baptism!"--Chuck Lawhorn

"Belief that the music of Donny and Marie didn't suck.(Note to "News Quiz" readers: In case, like me, you've forgotten, Marie is a little bit country, Donny is a little bit nauseating and irrelevant.)"--Jon Hotchkiss

"Rigorous schedules, particularly involving fifth wives who were just not 'night persons.' "--Barbara Lippert

"Convictions. They're willing to convict anyone for just about anything, whether it's a crime or not. It just does my heart good to hear of some young ruffian doing hard time for drinking Mountain Dew."--Greg Diamond

"Missionaries. You ever seen those weirdos riding their bicycles around town? You have to be seriously toned to carry that off in a three-piece suit and still look good."--Paul Henry

"Marital bonds, following the adage 'There is strength in numbers.' By the way, if my wives call, I'm not here."--Ken Novak (similarly, Andrew Solovay and Matthew Budman)

"Zone defense. Those white boys almost won the NCAA championship this year. We Baptists just play too much man-to-man."--Christopher Clark (similarly impressed with Ute hoops, Norman K)

"Exotic but eerily practical underwear."--Ross Bender


"Bringing people back from the dead who we didn't know had lived in the first place."--Dalya Horowitz

Randy Cohen used to write Slate's "News Quiz." His most recent book—oh, like you don't know.