By Randy Cohen
"You know, it's a gut feeling. It's just a feeling I have. When I walked away the first time, it was a feeling. It wasn't something someone told me. When I came back, it was a feeling."
Who said this about what?
by noon ET Wednesday to e-mail your answer (email@example.com).
Responses to Monday's question (No. 66)--"The Envelope, Please":
The Magnificent Seven, Hondo, The Sands of Iwo Jima, El Cid. What's the connection?
"They're great date movies if you're a Freeman."--Beth Sherman
"They're movies from the olden days that did not have a McDonald's Happy Meal tie-in. Isn't that SO WEIRD?"--Colleen Werthmann
"I'm not sure, but I do know this: Only one of them gets 30 miles per gallon and is good for 200,000 miles."--Merrill Markoe
"They're all squares on the improbable new hit board game, Six Degrees of Don Knotts."--Ariel Kaminer
"They're the first four chapters in Siskel and Ebert's forthcoming Movies We Watch Naked."--Charlie Rubin
"All movies to which a young Newt Gingrich pleasured himself on breaks from writing his dissertation about how the French could have been a more enduring worldwide colonial presence."--David Rakoff
"The obvious answer is the Newt Gingrich-Thalia Soho Don't Ask, Don't Tell Film Festival but, when I took it at the New School, it was simply called 'Three Pieces of Shit and The Magnificent Seven.' But that's not fair either, because Geraldine Page is pretty good in Hondo."
On a personal note: Aren't the movies magical? They can take anyone, even a fat, cowardly, self-satisfied, suckling teacher's pet like the speaker of the House, and transport him to a world of bravery and adventure."--Chris Kelly
Click for more responses.
Sure, I like movies, but I love cynical and dim-witted movie promotions. So tonight at 8 p.m. ET, my television will be tuned to Disney-owned ABC, not for just another lackluster summer replacement show but for a "Network TV Event"--Michelle Kwan Skates to the Music of Disney's "Mulan," an about-to-be-released feature-length cartoon. It's synergy, it's cross-pollination, it's an eerie harbinger of Tiger Woods Putts to the Soundtrack of "The Horse Whisperer" and Steve Yzerman High-Sticks a Guy to That Rappin' "Bulworth." Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to lie down and put a cold compress on my forehead to that unforgettable love song from Titanic. How's that go again?
Last Chance to Visit the Snack Bar Before I Give the Answer
As David Rakoff, Chris Kelly, and others know, these are the four favorite films of Newt Gingrich, each glorifying a distinct form of military intervention--mercenaries vs. Mexican bandits, cavalry vs. Apaches, U.S. Marines vs. Japanese infantry, Christians vs. Moors. Two star John Wayne. None features overt acts of homoerotic sadomasochism, although some rough stuff happens to El Cid.
Rounding out the Gingrich Top 10--The Producers, the Pink Panther series, Being There, Casablanca, The Sound of Music, and The Quiet Man. Over all, the list includes three movies with Nazis, three with John Wayne, five with some kind of war, and none with conventional vanilla heterosexual pornography.
Gingrich was one of 1,500 Americans polled for his favorites by the American Film Institute. The results of this survey will run as a three hour special tonight on CBS titled AFI's 100 Years, 100 Movies, but I'll be watching Michelle Kwan doing jumping jacks to Dumbo over on ABC.
Extra: Kindness Corner. We Can Say Something Nice
Hey, kids, can you match each expression of praise to its source and the object of its veneration?
(Topicality Guarantee: all declarations of affection from today's papers.)
1) "Solid and intelligent"
3) "Nobody can touch this guy"
4) "He was wonderful"
5) "More famous than Clinton"
6) "Amiable and worthy of respect"
A) China Youth Daily, saluting President Jiang Zemin
B) Chinese youth Cheng Quian, admiring Michael Jordan
C) Alabama youth Emily Hornsby, adoring Bear Bryant
D) Baltimore Republican Chairman David Blumberg, cherishing New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani
E) Job-slashing former Sunbeam CEO Al Dunlap, just loving himself
F) Today show movie-puffer Gene Shalit, planting a big wet kiss on Deep Impact
A-6, B-5, C-4, D-3, E-2, F-1
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