Weekend SpecialNo. 57: “Benched”

Weekend SpecialNo. 57: “Benched”

Weekend SpecialNo. 57: “Benched”

Testing your knowledge of what happened this week
May 30 1998 3:30 AM

Weekend SpecialNo. 57: “Benched”

Weekend Special No. 57: "Benched"

By Randy Cohen

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A Supreme Court decision this week means good news for Fox TV. How so?

62000_62214_newsquiz_email

by 5 p.m. ET Sunday to e-mail your answer (NewsQuiz@slate.com).

Responses to Wednesday's question (No. 56)--"Memento":

Handwriting sample, fingerprint, voice recording, hair specimen. Which does not belong? Why?

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"Hair specimen; simply because it's taking away valuable time from 'stool sample.' "--Bill Franzen

"A Michael Bolton handwriting sample, fingerprint, and hair specimen each fetched over $5,000 at a recent charity auction. The voice recording, of course, found no buyers."--Andrew Solovay

"As if anyone under 25 would actually write anything by hand."--Sam Coppersmith (Fritz Strohmeyer had a similar answer.)

"The hair specimen is the only thing that would make a grizzled, veteran police detective say, 'I'm sorry, I'd rather let that sicko off than touch that curly thing (shudder). Icch.' "--Danny Spiegel

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"You don't test the hair specimen until the second date."--Beth Sherman

"OK. This is really, really, really getting weird. What doesn't belong is 'handwriting sample.' It's the only thing I didn't have to give the usher at my local Cineplex Odeon on the day I finally broke down and went to see My Giant."--Jon Hotchkiss

Click for more responses.

Randy's Wrap-Up

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The tragedy of the special prosecutor's thin-lipped rampage is the way he turns normal human behavior into something indecent. I've never felt more perverse simply for having asked someone for a lock of hair. All right, that "someone" was CBS newsman Morley Safer, and by "asked" I mean crept up on him with a pair of scissors while he was asleep, and by "asleep" I mean spread-eagled in the trunk of my car with his wrists and ankles bound in duct tape. Oh, wait; that wasn't me. And even if it was, what would it have to do with a series of dubious bank loans?

Physically Evident Answer

As you all know, so take the rest of the day off, Monica Lewinsky agreed to deliver a handwriting sample, fingerprint, and voice recording to the Los Angeles office of the FBI, complying with investigators' requests.

Augmented Quotations (final sentence added by "News Quiz")

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"It's an outrageous claim that firemen are going there because models are living there. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to check for oily rags at Victoria's Secret."--Frank Gribbon, New York Fire Department spokesman, on why his men inspected an Elite Models dormitory seven times in eight weeks

"It turns religion into a kind of supermarket, where you go shopping for the most interesting religion. And by the way, we've got plenty of parking and free balloons for the kids."--Ismar Schorsch, chancellor of the Jewish Theological Seminary, on the dangers of proselytizing

"We are cleaning out the four-year colleges and putting remediation where it belongs. Behind the counter at McDonald's."--Ann Paolucci, head of the board of trustees of New York's City University, on why it's a great thing to keep poor folks out of college

Disclaimer: All submissions will become the property of Slate and will be published at Slate's discretion. Slate may publish your name on its site in connection with your submission.