News Quiz

No. 44: “Sixes”

No. 44: “Sixes”

By Randy Cohen

What is the significance of these numbers:

$66,000,000; $600,000; $600.51?

by noon ET Wednesday to e-mail your answer (NewsQuiz@slate.com).

Responses to Monday’s question (No. 43)–“Not About Me”:

An ad this morning in many newspapers declared, “This isn’t about Warren Burger, Barbra Streisand, the Founding Fathers or me.” What is it about? And who is “me”?

“It’s about you and your mutual funds. Hi, I’m Lou Reed. Can we rap?”–Ross Bender

” ‘It’s really about the work,’ gushed Tommy Tune of his latest directing turn, a hybrid 1776/Funny Girl revival. ‘When you have a cast this good, this real magic happens,’ said Tune of casting Warren Burger as Nicky Jefferson, the suave, gambling rogue who pens the Declaration of Independence on a cocktail napkin during a lull in the action. Now playing in Branson, Mo., Tune hopes to take ‘You Are Woman, I Am Anti-Federalist’ to the Great White Way by fall.”–Beth Sherman

“It’s about me. It’s ALWAYS about me.”–Larry Amaros

“Moses with a gun and the ten commandos.”–Marshall Efron

“Charlton Heston, just before he broke into a rendition of ‘People Who Need Semi-Automatic Assault Weapons (Are the Luckiest People in the World).’ “–Doug Strauss

“Charlton Heston’s decision to withdraw his support from the Paper Mill Playhouse’s musical adaptation of Planet of the Apes because of … I can’t even be humorous about Charlton Heston! I hate him! I hope he dies!!!! A violent, horrible gun death!!!! He is a completely vile, dangerous IDIOT AND A MENACE TO SOCIETY!!!!! HE SUCKS THE OXYGEN RIGHT OUT OF INTELLIGENT HUMAN DISCOURSE. I HOPE HE DIES TONIGHT IN A HAIL OF BULLETS!!!!!

“Although he always looked good with his shirt off.”–David Rakoff

Click for more responses.

Randy’s Wrap-Up

Nearly everyone recognized the nutty diatribe of Charlton Heston, the Johnny Appleseed of handguns. Ten Commandments–he took no guff from a deranged Pharaoh. Touch of Evil–he took no guff from border-town punks. Ben-Hur–took no guff from that Roman stooge Messala. El Cid–took no guff from heathen Moors. 55 Days at Peking–defended colonialism against Chinese guff. The Agony and the Ecstasy–no papal guff. Planet of the Apes–no monkey guff. The Omega Man–no zombie guff. You think he’s going to take any guff from Barbra Streisand? (And by the way: Soylent Green is people.)

Answer

It’s about NBC’s TV movie The Long Island Incident, based on the true story of Colin Ferguson’s shooting spree on the Long Island Railroad. “Me” is National Rifle Association Vice President Charlton Heston, who found the film overly condemnatory of handguns; its producer, Barbra Streisand, overly critical of the NRA; and former Supreme Court Justice Warren Burger inadequate in his grasp of the Constitution. “I’ve never played a Supreme Court justice,” Heston concedes, “but I have been invited to portray Founding Fathers such as Thomas Jefferson, whose thoughtful intent was clearer than Burger’s interpretation.”

Leftovers

“There’s going to be a lot of thugging going on.”–Reggie Miller, playfully pugnacious

“Warren Burger can be forgiven his misunderstanding of the Second Amendment–after all, the 82-year-old former judge also spoke of a ‘right to own and keep fishing rods and fishing equipment.’ “–Charlton Heston, surprisingly generous

“I invite her [Barbra Streisand] onto the stage of her choosing to debate the facts with me, one-on-one, before the American people, stripped to the waist and armed with Bowie knives.”–Charlton Heston, deliciously sassy (except for the part about the stripping and the knives, which was me)

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