By Randy Cohen
Fill in the blank. California gastroenterologist Dr. Richard Corlin says, “I’d give one of my paired organs to any of my three sons who wanted to ___________.”
by noon ET Thursday to e-mail your answer (NewsQuiz@slate.com).
Describe The New Yorker’s final Seinfeld cover.
(Question posed by Chris Kelly. His suggestion: an Art Spiegelman knockoff of Hopper’s Nighthawks, only it’s Jerry’s diner, and it’s empty.)
by noon ET Thursday (NewsQuiz@slate.com). Please put “Seinfeld” in the subject line of your e-mail. Answers will be posted Friday.
Responses to Tuesday’s question (No. 35)–“No Bad Rats”:
As an incentive, reports The Associated Press, “Pleasurable sensations were transmitted to the animals’ brains. Scientists call these sensations ‘virtual chocolate.’ No unpleasurable sensations were planned, no matter how uncooperative the rat.”
An incentive to do what?
“Admit their role in the plagues.”–Bill Franzen
“Relax and expose their necks.”–Larry Doyle
“Write pro-Microsoft op-ed pieces.”–Steven L. Smith
“Tell everything they know about Monica Lewinsky.”–Marshall Efron (Gary Frazier, Resset, Stephen Murray, Andrew Solovay, and Jonathan E. Snow were similarly Starr struck.)
“Sit through an entire episode of VIBE.”–Larry Amaros
“Watch Teletubbies. ‘We’re branching out into the animal kingdom,’ says Kenn Viselman of Itsy Bitsy Entertainment. ‘We’ve found that our show also appeals to baby rats, fawns, seal pups and, incredibly, insect larvae!’ “–Meg Wolitzer
Click for more responses.
Randy’s Wrap-Up
Why do I do the “News Quiz”? Because I’ve got wires in my head and Viagra in my pocket. Or maybe I’m just glad to see you. Everyone needs an incentive. So what’s Rudy Giuliani’s incentive to use $600 million of New York City tax money to build a new ballpark for truculent plutocrat and principal Yankee owner George Steinbrenner, when study after study shows that tax-financed stadiums yield meager returns? He’s not stupid. He’s not money-corrupt. He is vain, bullying, and reactionary, but why shouldn’t he apply those traits to bring New York decent schools, clean parks, a thriving library system, improved public transportation, and buildings that don’t drop crumbling chunks of masonry on passing citizens? Incidentally, this year’s regional sales conference will feature motivational speeches by the returning space rats. Last year’s motivational speaker was Pat Riley. He was very good. I never felt more incented.
Electro-Motivational Answer
Run a maze on the Space Shuttle–but not the usual maze–a cool, three-dimensional space maze called the Escher Staircase, with bent sides and 90 degree turns to disorient the rats. They also ran a flat maze, a black-and-white striped X that was flipped periodically to confuse their sense of up and down. Each rat, an adult white male, has a cap attached to its head holding 14 electrodes implanted in his hippocampus. Their brain activity was beamed to Bruce McNaughton, the University of Arizona psychologist who designed the experiment, and his team at Houston’s Johnson Space Center.
Also scheduled to be flipped periodically to confuse his sense of up and down: Sen. John Glenn, who will be given no unpleasurable sensations, no matter how uncooperative he is.
Also evocative of Escher, NASA’s tendency to launch a space flight to perform experiments on the effects of space flight, so they can better plan another space flight to experiment on the effects of space flight, so they can …
Leftovers
“Everybody heads for the Ashkenazi Jew. It’s like a gold mine.”–Rabbi Moshe David Tendler, Yeshiva University
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