By Randy Cohen
The ReadingEagle (Pa.) quotes the pseudonymous “Martin”: “[The church] frowns upon it like the dickens. But with my type of business, it’s almost impossible to not have it.” What?
by noon ET on Tuesday to e-mail your answer (NewsQuiz@slate.com).
Responses to Thursday’s Question (No. 5)–“Not Now”:
Secretary of State Madeleine Albright declared that “this is not the time for …” something. What?
“… that, Mr. President.”–Larry Doyle
“… going back to Columbus, Ohio, for a reunion with all our new friends there!”–Meg Wolitzer
“… getting into Saddam’s private vaults, although I do know that he collects 1940s Bakelite Jewelry and Selena memorabilia.”–Barbara Lippert
“… any American weapons inspectors to get caught in the act with Saddam’s recently widowed daughters, Rina and Raghad.”–Bill Franzen
“… the publication of my delightful coming of age memoir: The Secret Seder.”–Fred Graver (similarly, Kate Clinton)
“… no, wait. It is the time. You set your watch ahead when you go east, right?”–Patty Marx
“… all good men to come to the aid of their interns.”–Larry Amaros
“… dead batteries on the channel changer.”–Vaughn Davis Bornet
“But Madeleine, baby, he’s HOT right now. Trust me, after that whole Jewish incident, you’ve got to build on your Persian Gulf momentum. You should be begging ME to LET you be the first guest on Matt Drudge’s new Fox talk show.”–Ariel Kaminer
“Albright said it was not the time for pessimism about the U.N. agreement with Saddam; however, she said it was time to stock up on gas, cancel those El Al reservations, and practice breathing through a hole in your neck.”–Beth Sherman
Randy’s Wrap-Up:
… for that delightfully addle-headed Ally McBeal. You know: Because somebody misplaced the TV Guide, and the State Department pretty much shuts down when that lovable lawyer is on. What with series after series featuring tough, capable women attorneys, isn’t it time for one starring an adorable ditz? Oh, wait, sorry: There is no series starring a capable woman attorney. I was thinking about that network that only airs in my head. And another thing: If Seinfeld has such a knowing eye for New York life, why do all the characters own cars? And don’t get me started on how tomatoes have no taste at all. Spherical styrene. (And I believe Secretary Albright fought under that name in the old American Wrestling Federation.)
“Not Now” Answer:
Responding to Mississippi Sen. Trent Lott’s denunciation of Kofi Annan’s Iraqi accord, Albright said, “This is not the time for U.N. bashing.”
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