An exclusive preview of Elena Kagan's Supreme Court nomination questionnaire.

Dubious and far-fetched ideas.
May 14 2010 5:34 PM

Question Time

An exclusive preview of Elena Kagan's Supreme Court nomination questionnaire.

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Social skills: Describe your relationship with Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy. Include method of address (e.g., "Justice Kennedy," "Anthony," "Tony," "AK-47") and any occasions on which you've persuaded him about anything, however trivial (e.g., lunch destination).

Health: Please note any ailments, mental or physical, that would prevent you from sitting in a room for 72 hours pretending to answer repetitive and superficial questions about your judicial philosophy and personal life—or those that would facilitate it.

Last chance: Is there anything else we should know?Fake identities? Illegitimate children? Crush videos? (It's come up.)

Practice test: What is your favorite color?

(Answer: I approach every color with an open mind.)

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Christopher Beam is a writer living in Beijing.