Joslyn James' secret text messages to Tiger Woods.

Dubious and far-fetched ideas.
March 18 2010 7:31 PM

That's What She Said

You've read Tiger Woods' text messages to Joslyn James. Here's the half of the conversation you haven't seen.

(Continued from Page 1)

Joslyn: Sent: 04:55 PM 08/29/2009:
Pleeeeez let me play shortstop on our softball team. Nothing compares 2 turning a double play!

******

Tiger: Sent: 5:00 PM 08/29/2009:
I really do want to be rough with you. Slap you around

Joslyn: Sent: 05:05 PM 08/29/2009:
Yeah, those torture memos were really messed up. Think its spelled "Yoo" tho.

******

Advertisement

Joslyn: Sent: 05:12 PM 08/29/2009:
Know you get intense about yr cooking but was hoping u and Elin might bring yr coq au vin to the potluck Sat? Just need main course.

Tiger: Sent: 05:15 PM 08/29/2009:
I want you to beg for my cock. Kiss you all over to convince me to let you have it in your mouth

Tiger: Sent: 05:18 PM 08/29/2009:
We will see how bad you want me

Joslyn: Sent: 05:21 PM 08/29/2009:
You know I always love when you guys come over for dinner.

Joslyn: Sent: 05:22 PM 08/29/2009:
Oh, sorry to change subj. but what did you tell Nick Faldo before the 08 Ryder Cup again?

Tiger: Sent: 05:26 PM 08/29/2009:
Next time i see you, you better beg and if you don't do it right i will slap, spank, bite and fuck you till mercy

Joslyn: Sent: 05:28 PM 08/29/2009:
Right. That was awesome!

******

Tiger: Sent: 01:28 PM 09/08/2009:
Have you ever had a golden shower done to you

Tiger: Sent: 01:29 PM 09/08/2009:
Just morbid curiosity

Joslyn: Sent: 01:30 PM 09/08/2009:
No, I've had baby showers with silver, bronze, platinum decor. Never golden. Planning something for E?

Tiger: Sent: 01:30 PM 09/08/2009:
Really. You. You have done just about everything havent you

Joslyn: Sent: 01:31 PM 09/08/2009:
Ha ha, Almost. What about a karaoke party?

Tiger: Sent: 01:32 PM 09/08/2009:
Never done it. I think i would get stage freight

Joslyn: Sent: 01:36 PM 09/08/2009:
Come on, will let you borrow my karaoke machine!!

Tiger: Sent: 02:28 PM 09/08/2009:
Maybe

Joslyn: Sent: 02:58 PM 09/08/2009:
It's got Party in the USA …

Tiger: Sent: 03:38 PM 09/08/2009:
I will be over in 10mins

******

Tiger: Sent: 07:43 PM 09/09/2009:
Great thing is we have a life time of this

Joslyn: Sent: 09:41 PM 09/09/2009:
Getting Ben and Jerry's to pay yr endorsement fee in a lifetime supply of ice cream = best idea ever. Just remember no Chubby Hubby. U r allergic

Tiger: Sent: 05:44 AM 10/01/2009:
I know that. Thats why i wont do that.

Joslyn: Sent: 06:31 AM 10/01/2009:
Remember when you got the girl at Friendlys to give you a free sundae? What did u say 2 her?

Tiger: Sent: 06:02 PM 10/01/2009:
Baby im not going anywhere or doing anything. You please me like no other has or ever will. I'm not losing that. You have to understand people love to tal

Tiger: Sent: 06:02 PM 10/01/2009:
k about me. sometimes its good and sometimes its bad. I have learned to just roll with it no matter how much it upsets me when its not true. My life is a

Tiger: Sent: 06:02 PM 10/01/2009:
fish bowl

Joslyn: Sent: 06:03 PM 09/09/2009:
LOL. Waitresses go for that every time!

Become a fan of Slate on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter.

  Slate Plus
Slate Picks
Nov. 21 2014 1:38 PM What Happened at Slate This Week? See if you can keep pace with the copy desk, Slate’s most comprehensive reading team.