The iState of the Union: Steve Jobs delivers the annual presidential address.

Dubious and far-fetched ideas.
Jan. 25 2010 10:37 AM

The iState of the Union

Steve Jobs delivers the annual presidential address.

Read all of Slate's coverage on the expected announcement of Apple's tablet computer.

Steve Jobs. Click image to expand.
Apple CEO Steve Jobs 

"President Obama will deliver his first State of the Union address on Jan. 27. … In the televised speech to the nation, Mr. Obama will outline his priorities for the coming year as well as recount what he believes are the achievements from his first year in office."—New York Times, Jan. 18, 2010

"Yes folks—the rumors are true. Apple is holding an event on January 27th to show off something the company is calling their 'latest creation.' "Engadget, Jan. 18, 2010

Thank you for coming. And thank you to President Obama for asking me to deliver this year's speech. We're going to make some history today.

You know, it was just a year ago that we announced our economic plan for 2009. We said we were going to turn around the recession. We said we'd create jobs. And we said we'd do it in 12 months. What happened? We did it in three. It was the most successful period in the history of the United States. And 2010 is only going to be better. How awesome is that?

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(APPLAUSE.)

How did we do it? Simple. We made a stimulus package. It had the most features of any package we've ever created—more jobs, more money, more everything. We could have stopped there. We could've said, Hey, that was great. Let's go do something else. But you know what? It wasn't enough. The American people deserve something even better and more revolutionary.

So today, we're introducing a new plan. It's called Stimulus 2GS, and it's sleeker than any economic recovery package ever created. It's got bridges, it's got schools, it's got broadband Internet. All that, and it's super easy to use—you can control it from iTunes. Pretty cool, huh?

(APPLAUSE.)

Now let's take a look at national security. When we got in here last year, torture was basically OK. We were water-boarding people and doing all sorts of terrible things. If you're the president of the United States, how do you solve this? Hmm. Oh wait, we have solved this. We banned torture. Boom. Now that's what I call an amazing breakthrough.

(APPLAUSE. HOOTING.)