Slate readers predict McCain's next Hail Mary campaign stunt.

Dubious and far-fetched ideas.
Oct. 2 2008 11:04 AM

McCain's Next Stunt

Slate readers predict the candidate's next Hail Mary.

John McCain.
John McCain

After John McCain suspended his presidential campaign last week, Slate invited readers to suggest other Hail Mary stunts the Republican candidate might pull before Election Day. You sent us nearly 1,000 ideas. Here are some of our favorites:

  1. Pledges to send former Wall Street CEOs to Guantanamo. (John Kirkbride)
  2. Announces that Track Palin has captured Osama Bin Laden—in Iraq. (Peter Van Buren)
  3. Adopts "don't ask, don't tell" policy on the environment. (Linse Henley)
  4. Rears head and flies into Russian airspace. (Ryan Greenlaw)
  5. Has President Bush use his executive privilege to declare McCain the winner. (Matt Logan)
  6. Proposes a game of Risk with Obama—winner takes all. (Anonymous)
  7. Bolsters Sarah Palin's foreign-policy credentials by giving her a German shepherd, a Siamese cat, and a Dutch long-eared rabbit. (Cheryl Lynn Helm)
  8. Announces his Cabinet: the Harlem Globetrotters. (David Churchman)
  9. Upon reflection, admits that "ABBA sucks." (Larry Miller)
  10. Announces that if elected he will appoint Gen. Petraeus secretary of the Treasury. (Roger Tompkins)
  11. Heads to Switzerland and brazenly toggles the on/off switch of the Large Hadron Collider. (John Flowers)
  12. Tints his hair a warm chestnut brown. (Kathryn Schorr)

Advertisement

… and here are some of the proposals that were sent in by multiple readers:

  1. Funds bailout by selling Cindy McCain's clothing, jewelry, or homes.
  2. Switches spots on the ticket with Palin.
  3. Drops Palin, announces Joe Lieberman, Mitt Romney, Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, or Michael Phelps as new running mate.
  4. Divorces Cindy, marries Palin.
  5. Doesn't divorce Cindy, moves to Utah, marries Palin.
  6. Divorces Cindy, moves to Massachusetts, marries Joe Lieberman.
  7. Announces Palin is pregnant.
  8. Announces Cindy is pregnant.
  9. Announces he is pregnant.
  10. On eve of the election, changes his name to Barack Obama.
  11. On eve of the election, changes his name to McLovin.
  12. Takes time away from the campaign to reflect on the death of his best friend, Goose.

TODAY IN SLATE

The Juice

Ford’s Big Gamble

It’s completely transforming America’s best-selling vehicle.

Should the United States Grant Asylum to Victims of Domestic Violence?

The Apple Watch Will Make Everyone Around You Just a Little Worse Off

This Was the First Object Ever Designed

Don’t Expect Adrian Peterson to Go to Prison

In much of America, beating your kids is perfectly legal. 

Moneybox

How the Apple Watch Will Annoy Us

A glowing screen attached to someone else’s wrist is shinier than all but the blingiest jewels.

Music

A Little Bit Softer Now, a Little Bit Softer Now …

The sad, gradual decline of the fade-out in popular music.

Is Everyone Going to Declare Independence if Scotland Does It? 

I Tried to Write an Honest Profile of One of Bollywood’s Biggest Stars. It Didn’t Go Well.

Trending News Channel
Sept. 12 2014 11:26 AM Identical Twins Aren’t Really Identical
  News & Politics
Jurisprudence
Sept. 14 2014 2:37 PM When Abuse Is Not Abuse Don’t expect Adrian Peterson to go to prison. In much of America, beating your kids is perfectly legal. 
  Business
Moneybox
Sept. 12 2014 5:54 PM Olive Garden Has Been Committing a Culinary Crime Against Humanity
  Life
Inside Higher Ed
Sept. 13 2014 8:38 AM “You’re More Than Just a Number” Goucher College goes transcript-free in admissions.
  Double X
The XX Factor
Sept. 12 2014 4:05 PM Life as an NFL Wife: “He's the Star. Keep Him Happy.”
  Slate Plus
Behind the Scenes
Sept. 12 2014 5:55 PM “Do You Know What Porn Is?” Conversations with Dahlia Lithwick’s 11-year-old son.
  Arts
Music
Sept. 14 2014 11:44 PM A Little Bit Softer Now, a Little Bit Softer Now … The sad, gradual decline of the fade-out in popular music.
  Technology
Future Tense
Sept. 12 2014 3:53 PM We Need to Pass Legislation on Artificial Intelligence Early and Often
  Health & Science
New Scientist
Sept. 14 2014 8:38 AM Scientific Misconduct Should Be a Crime It’s as bad as fraud or theft, only potentially more dangerous.
  Sports
Sports Nut
Sept. 12 2014 4:36 PM “There’s No Tolerance for That” Pete Carroll and Jim Harbaugh say they don’t abide domestic abuse. So why do the Seahawks and 49ers have a combined six players accused of violence against women?