Excerpts from George W. Bush's conversations with the Dalai Lama.

The White House vigorously defended President Bush's plan to meet with the Dalai Lama Tuesday, brushing aside China's warning that it would damage relations between Washington and Beijing. ... No media access was to be allowed to the meeting that Bush was having with the Dalai Lama later Tuesday in the private residence of the White House.—the Associated Press, Oct. 16, 2007

And what if I told you that the kid—remember, his family is making up to $83,000 a year!—could be eligible for free health insurance, courtesy the American taxpayer? That's right, Your Holiness, free medical care! Now, you seem like a reasonable monk, so I ask you: Isn't that a giant step on the road to socialism?

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Heck, back when you won the Nobel Prize, the darn thing meant something. These days, it's garbage, a beauty contest, and everybody knows it.

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It's awful, but I just can't help it. Whenever I see the Buddha, I think of Rove. We used to call him "Buddha." Karl's lost weight. Still, if you ever pictured him in a diaper, you never forget it.

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Universal awareness. That's exactly what we're pushing for in the Department of Homeland Security. We call it "Total Information Awareness." Basically, they're the same thing.

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And if you were to send a few monks, purely as a symbolic gesture, we'd supply the body armor, the helmets, the boots ...