Hypothetical questions they should ask at the presidential debates.

Dubious and far-fetched ideas.
July 20 2007 11:07 AM

Senator, Here's the Scenario …

The hypothetical questions they should ask at the presidential debates.

(Continued from Page 1)

A tornado has transported you to a magical land, where a jubilant throng of midgets greets you as liberator. They direct you toward a road paved with yellow bricks. We'll start with you, Mayor Giuliani. Would you consider capturing one of these exotic creatures and subjecting him or her to enhanced interrogation techniques, such as waterboarding and electric shock, if it means extracting vital information that will determine whether the yellow route leads home—or into a trap?

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For unexplained reasons, you find yourself reliving a Groundhog's Day festival throughout eternity. Let's start with you, Senator McCain. After, say, 10,000 of these repetitive days, would you consider capturing one of the locals and subjecting him or her to enhanced interrogation techniques, such as waterboarding, to gain answers about your predicament, or—for that matter—as a means of breaking up the endless monotony?

*

It is the year 2011. New York City is a super-prison. After an attempted hijacking, your Presidential Ejector Pod lands in the center of this urban hell. Fortunately, the White House is sending to save you a condemned criminal and war hero, the infamous Snake Plisken. Let's start with Congressman Tancredo. Should you lie low and wait for help, or should you make a desperate run at the wall that was built to keep illegals out of America?

*

Three criminals from Krypton, freed by a nuclear blast in outer space, have come to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal man. Worse, Superman has disappeared. The criminals' leader, General Zod, orders you to kneel before him as a symbol of America's defeat. I'll start with you, Senator Brownback. If the act means saving millions of lives, and perhaps buying time until the Man of Steel returns, would you forsake your belief in Jesus Christ and bow before this evil alien?

*

You see dead people. They do not know they are dead. Let's start with you, Congressman Kucinich. Have you figured out why you can see them?

Hart Seely's memoir as a Yankee fan, The Juju Rules, will be published next year.

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