Thou Shalt Not Disrespect Top Chef 3.
The Vatican expands its Ten Commandment franchise.
"The Vatican on Tuesday issued a 'Ten Commandments' for motorists to keep them on the road to salvation, warning drivers against the sins of road rage, abuse of alcohol or even simple rudeness."—Associated Press, June 19
To: Cardinal Renato Martino
From: Pope Benedict XVI
I was a little surprised when I saw on Jalopnik that you wrote a "Ten Commandments for Drivers." You've really got to run stuff like that by me. That said, I think it was a good idea—it'll get people thinking about religion instead of Top Chef 3. I've been fiddling with some ways to expand the franchise, and I wanted to run them by you. Feel free to criticize—I may be infallible, but I do sometimes need an editor.
Ten Commandments for Airplane Travelers
—Thou shalt have patience with security personnel, for they art underpaid, and their feet hurt like those of Saul of Tarsus after his escape from Damascus.
—Thou shalt not have to pay $3 for bottled water from a price-gouging airport merchant. Instead, thou should put an empty bottle in thy carry-on and fill it at a water fountain.
—Thou shalt honor the proper boarding order, and shalt not pretend that thou hast a sprained ankle in order to be allowed to preboard. Thou aren't fooling anybody.
—Thou shalt not attempt to chat with thy neighbor while he is watching a Top Chef marathon on the seatback television, Renato—even if thou hast a "very interesting" theological point to discuss.
Justin Peters is Slate’s crime correspondent.
Photograph of Pope Benedict XVI by Arturo Mari L'Osservatore Romano-VaticanPool/Getty Images. Photograph of Pope Benedict XVI on Slate's home page by Franco Origlia/Getty Images.