It's a Wonderful Presidency
An American classic, revisited.
Updated Monday, Nov. 20, 2006, at 1:32 PM
[George blinks in disbelief, then touches his jogging suit.]
GEORGE: I'm wet! Ha-ha! I'm all wet! And look, look! [He pulls from his pocket a pair of stones.] Condoleezza's pebbles!
[George runs around the compound, hearing the chants of war protesters outside.]
GEORGE: Yes! Ha-ha, we're at war! Merry Christmas, everybody! We're at war!
[He runs into the Rose Garden, where a crowd of congressmen, lobbyists, and College Republicans await him. They shout, "THREE CHEERS FOR GEORGE BUSH!"]
GEORGE: Why, I thought all you guys were indicted!
[The crowd roars with laughter. Laura emerges from the group and gives George a kiss.]
LAURA: Rupert did it, George. He had O'Reilly go on Fox News for a 48-hour telethon. They told everybody how you were in the dumps and that the seculars were planning to destroy Christmas. It was incredible. Like a prairie fire, the checks just started pouring in, no questions asked. We've raised $900 million, all for media. Karl's going to spearhead the new attack ads. They'll start airing next week. We're saved, George!
[A cheer arises. George turns to the piano player in the corner.]
GEORGE: Hey, Condi, play us a tune!
[With Condoleezza on piano, the crowd sings "Yellow Rose of Texas," occasionally punctuated by the sound of sirens outside. A plump young Republican taps his friend on the shoulder.]
Frank Cammuso is co-authorsof 2007-Eleven and Other American Comedies with Hart Seely. He is a political cartoonist for the Syracuse Post-Standard in Syracuse, N.Y.
Hart Seely's memoir as a Yankee fan, The Juju Rules, will be published next year.