An American classic, revisited.

[George blinks in disbelief, then touches his jogging suit.]

GEORGE: I'm wet! Ha-ha! I'm all wet! And look, look! [He pulls from his pocket a pair of stones.] Condoleezza's pebbles!

[George runs around the compound, hearing the chants of war protesters outside.]

GEORGE: Yes! Ha-ha, we're at war! Merry Christmas, everybody! We're at war!

[He runs into the Rose Garden, where a crowd of congressmen, lobbyists, and College Republicans await him. They shout, "THREE CHEERS FOR GEORGE BUSH!"]

GEORGE: Why, I thought all you guys were indicted!

[The crowd roars with laughter. Laura emerges from the group and gives George a kiss.]

LAURA: Rupert did it, George. He had O'Reilly go on Fox News for a 48-hour telethon. They told everybody how you were in the dumps and that the seculars were planning to destroy Christmas. It was incredible. Like a prairie fire, the checks just started pouring in, no questions asked. We've raised $900 million, all for media. Karl's going to spearhead the new attack ads. They'll start airing next week. We're saved, George!

[A cheer arises. George turns to the piano player in the corner.]

GEORGE: Hey, Condi, play us a tune!

[With Condoleezza on piano, the crowd sings "Yellow Rose of Texas," occasionally punctuated by the sound of sirens outside. A plump young Republican taps his friend on the shoulder.]