[He hails a cab. He and Clarence jump into the back seat.]
GEORGE: [To the driver.] Brownie? What the heck are you doing? Never mind! I'm off my nut! Take me home, quick!
CABBIE: Where's home?
GEORGE: The White House, of course! Take the back route, and we'll dodge the war protesters.
CABBIE: White House? Why go there? To see that commie, liberal Al Gore? That pansy is even too scared to invade Iraq.
GEORGE: President Gore? No, it can't be! No, no! Clarence, tell him I'm president!
CLARENCE: Sorry, George, but you weren't around to beat him—or at least, to have your guardian angels on the court elect you. That means the Democrats have been in control for 16 years.
[The cab stops on Pennsylvania Avenue, and George sprints toward the White House.]
GEORGE: Clarence, put me back! I want to be president again! I don't care what I have to face—special prosecutors, Nancy Pelosi, whatever—get me back!
[A spotlight beam blinds him. He hears a siren and crashes into a wall headfirst. He wakes up later to a light dancing in his eyes.]
TONY SNOW: He's coming to! Mr. President, thank God you're OK!
TODAY IN SLATE
The Self-Made Man
The story of America’s most pliable, pernicious, irrepressible myth.
Michigan’s Tradition of Football “Toughness” Needs to Go—Starting With Coach Hoke
Does Your Child Have “Sluggish Cognitive Tempo”? Or Is That Just a Disorder Made Up to Scare You?
The First Case of Ebola in America Has Been Diagnosed in Dallas
Windows 8 Was So Bad That Microsoft Will Skip Straight to Windows 10
Mad About Modi
Why the controversial Indian prime minister drew 19,000 cheering fans to Madison Square Garden.
You Deserve a Pre-cation
The smartest job perk you’ve never heard of.