It's a Wonderful Presidency.

Dubious and far-fetched ideas.
Nov. 20 2006 1:32 PM

It's a Wonderful Presidency

An American classic, revisited.

(Continued from Page 1)

[George runs to the Watergate Hotel, where he is stunned to see the huge lobby portrait of U.S. Attorney General Ted Kennedy. His shock deepens when he recognizes the bartender.]

GEORGE: Karl Rove? Turd Blossom, what are you doing here?

Advertisement

ROVE: Who are you? How'd you know my name? What'd you call me?

GEORGE: It's me, George. We're pals. Remember? You're my Boy Genius, my brain! Remember?

[Rove shakes his head angrily, then his eyes lock on a disheveled, old hobo in the doorway.]

ROVE: [To the man.] Hey you, out! How many times have I told you never to come in here panhandling? Out!

GEORGE: Karl, no! That's Dick Cheney! [To the hobo.] Mr. Vice President, what are you doing out so late? It's me, George, remember?

CHENEY: Um, yes, of course, you are. Say, um, friend, could I borrow a few dollars for a drink?

ROVE: He's one of Nixon's boys. If it wasn't for bums like him, Republicans might have a chance! Far as I'm concerned, pal, if you know this loser, you're a loser, too. Out! Through the door or through the window!

CLARENCE: [As George reluctantly moves to the door.] You see, George, you weren't there in 2000 to keep Dan Quayle from the GOP nomination. He chose Jesse Helms for his running mate, and they ran on a hard-right platform. They lost in a landslide and took the party down.

GEORGE: Man, I must have swallowed some bad pretzels! This is crazy! I gotta get home! I need a drink!

  Slate Plus
Working
Dec. 18 2014 4:49 PM Slate’s Working Podcast: Episode 17 Transcript Read what David Plotz asked a middle school principal about his workday.