It's a Wonderful Presidency
An American classic, revisited.
Updated Monday, Nov. 20, 2006, at 1:32 PM
[George runs to the Watergate Hotel, where he is stunned to see the huge lobby portrait of U.S. Attorney General Ted Kennedy. His shock deepens when he recognizes the bartender.]
GEORGE: Karl Rove? Turd Blossom, what are you doing here?
ROVE: Who are you? How'd you know my name? What'd you call me?
GEORGE: It's me, George. We're pals. Remember? You're my Boy Genius, my brain! Remember?
[Rove shakes his head angrily, then his eyes lock on a disheveled, old hobo in the doorway.]
ROVE: [To the man.] Hey you, out! How many times have I told you never to come in here panhandling? Out!
GEORGE: Karl, no! That's Dick Cheney! [To the hobo.] Mr. Vice President, what are you doing out so late? It's me, George, remember?
CHENEY: Um, yes, of course, you are. Say, um, friend, could I borrow a few dollars for a drink?
ROVE: He's one of Nixon's boys. If it wasn't for bums like him, Republicans might have a chance! Far as I'm concerned, pal, if you know this loser, you're a loser, too. Out! Through the door or through the window!
CLARENCE: [As George reluctantly moves to the door.] You see, George, you weren't there in 2000 to keep Dan Quayle from the GOP nomination. He chose Jesse Helms for his running mate, and they ran on a hard-right platform. They lost in a landslide and took the party down.
GEORGE: Man, I must have swallowed some bad pretzels! This is crazy! I gotta get home! I need a drink!
Frank Cammuso is co-authorsof 2007-Eleven and Other American Comedies with Hart Seely. He is a political cartoonist for the Syracuse Post-Standard in Syracuse, N.Y.
Hart Seely's memoir as a Yankee fan, The Juju Rules, will be published next year.