The court finds Anna Nicole hot.

Dubious and far-fetched ideas.
May 1 2006 5:18 PM

Justice Breyer Finds Anna Nicole Hot

If Supreme Court opinions were written for the cable news shows.

SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES

No. 04-1544

Dahlia Lithwick Dahlia Lithwick

Dahlia Lithwick writes about the courts and the law for Slate. Follow her on Twitter.

VICKIE LYNN MARSHALL, PETITIONERv. E. PIERCE MARSHALL

JUSTICE GINSBURG delivered the opinion of the court.

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In a published order released this morning, this court issued its decision in the above-captioned matter, to wit, Marshall v. Marshall. However, the published opinion inadvertently limited itself to four narrow sections discussing the scope of the probate exception to the jurisdiction of the federal courts; a matter that will be virtually impossible for a panel of legal experts to discuss tonight on Nancy Grace. As a result, Sections I-IV of today's opinion in this case are herein supplemented with the legal discussion contained in sections V-VIII, below:

                                          V.

Did Anna Nicole Smith truly love J. Howard Marshall?

While the issue of whether Anna (aka Vickie Lynn Marshall) really loved her 89-year-old oil-baron husband, or if she was just some trashy gold digger was neither pleaded nor argued before this court, we have nevertheless reviewed the record below and herein find that Ms. Smith was indeed a complete and unrepentant opportunist. We further find as a matter of law that she never loved the guy. [1]

                                           VI.

Did Anna Nicole look good at oral argument?