A few wrinkles in the world's most advanced bra.

Dubious and far-fetched ideas.
April 12 2006 2:34 PM

The Ipex Tech Forum

Ironing out the wrinkles in the world's most advanced bra.

"THE WORLD'S MOST ADVANCED BRA GOES WIRELESS … Introducing the all-new Body by Victoria Wireless IPEX Bra. Our most supportive wireless bra ever."—victoriassecret.com

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Anyone had any luck with custom cup configuring using their iPod screen? No matter what shape I'm trying for, my bra ends up having this sort of breastplate look—not sure if it's because I downloaded the software on a Windows machine or because I have The Ride of the Valkyries on my iPod.

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Why even bother with custom, I mean have you checked out all the presets? You can choose from Champagne Glass, Ski Jump, National Geographic, Cannonball, Barbie, Tomboy, Silicone, Cupola, Helium (my fave), Marilyn, Rosebud, Twins of the Roe, Grand Canyon, and over 200 other popular shapes, all with one great bra!

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Ladies I can't seem to get the hang of synching the Reminda-Tweak app with my Entourage calendar. Natch when I call VS tech support they tell me to call Microsoft and when I call Microsoft they tell me to call VS.

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What's the diff it's all one family in India anyhow ;)

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Have you tried restarting the bra? If that doesn't work, you may have to reinstall the software. BE SURE TO SAVE YOUR PREFERENCES to an ext hard drive! First time I reinstalled, it switched from Earth Mother to Banana, ouch!

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I'm having trouble with the DreamGirl app, which is supposed to adjust the size and shape of my breasts in response to pupil dilation, pulse rate, and body temperature of the nearest adult male. Works OK except when I'm walking my Great Dane, Soren, they take the shape of T-bone steaks which is painful and, IMHO and that of most of my human guy friends, unsightly :(

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Get a canine-override patch from the shareware site www.geekgirls.net. Yeah VS should provide one but hey, at least they use open-source code!

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Hello, I'm about to leave for a trek in Nepal and I'm trying to figure out how to activate the Weather-Vain feature (barometer-coupled shaping, corrects for elev). Also the UnderWhere GPS system. Do I need special software besides what's loaded with the bra, and if so where can I get it?

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You need special software but Weather-Vain 2.0 is really beta, lousy with bugs and should not have been released. I did a skydive in DeLand, the bra overcompensated and pushed my tits down so far I couldn't get at the ripcord. Lucky there's a manual override or I woulda been catfood.

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Wanderlust, if you're trekking you might want to check out Pointer orienteering mode!

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Somebody help me with adjusting the Magic Fingers app? Seems like it's always on max which is cool for "relieving monthly discomfort" like it says but my girlfriend said it's good for boredom too, like at business meetings or church, so I tried it at Thanksgiving dinner and it was good but a little TOO good if you know what I mean. I was sitting next to my brother-in-law and I won't say what happened next but let's just say my sister hasn't talked to me since.

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My problem is kind of like hot mama's except I need help adjusting the No-Grope electro-shock setting, this dirty old man on the F train got a little more juice than he bargained for and I think he may sue (2 days in cardiac unit).

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Shouldn't VS be liable for that?

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No way. Read the EULA—they cover their tushies real good.

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Any nursing-working moms out there? I'm having a little trouble with the MaternaMatic app, which automatically pumps breast milk into vacuum-sealed aseptic packets while I work, labels them for my carrier of choice, bills my account or credit card, and calls for pick up. Usually works fine but a few times my husband, who works at home, received urine samples in the mail instead (presumably some lab got the milk and now some poor sap thinks he has diabetes).

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Don't blame the bra, sister. Switch to FedEx ;)

Evan Eisenberg's essays and satire have appeared in The New Yorker, the Atlantic, and other publications. His books includeThe Recording Angel andThe Ecology of Eden.

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