Runaway Murder Bride—EyeWatch News Team Special Report!

Dubious and far-fetched ideas.
May 10 2005 2:43 PM

The Runaway Murder Bride

How the EyeWatch News Team covered the year's hottest story.

Illustration by Robert Neubecker.
Click image to expand.

To: EyeWatch News Team From: Elliot Subject: Bravo, people!

Our "Runaway Murder Bride" coverage set new standards for ratings and reportage. You brought information, opinions, and outrage to a 5.5 share, while upholding the EyeWatch slogan: "News that's never after-the-fact."

Our 32 hours of team coverage produced some great moments:

Anchor Tippi McCall was first to tell viewers that Americans accused of crimes are innocent until proven guilty; that runaway murder bride Debra Strunk had not been formally charged with anything; that her children might not be dead; and that no evidence had yet surfaced that she'd ever had kids. Such news savvy, our lawyers say, could save us in the lawsuit! Good catch, Tippi!


EyeTeam correspondent Garrison Garber stunned the world with his report that, after the suspected alleged killings, runaway murder bride Debra Strunk made a nude videotape. Then Gary broke the story that the nude tape was audio, not video; and later that there was no nude tape, just a transcript; then that there was no transcript.

Anchor/Commentator Edward D. Malvern showed just why he makes the big bucks when he warned young viewers not to watch the graphic CyberEye Runaway Murder Simulation. Eddie's concern for the children will really help us when the FCC reviews our license next spring!

Weather Personality Stubby Kent's personal knowledge of chief Strunk-accuser Billie Perkins gave EyeWatch an edge we never lost. Talk about WeatheRadar! Stubby got inside Perkins' alleged sex club one full hour before the vice squad! His preliminary hearing is Friday. Hang in there, Big Guy!

SkyWatch VideoCam pilot Sawyer "The Voyeur" Moyer buzzed the Strunk home for 11 hours, capturing that now-famous window silhouette of Mr. Strunk lit by the blue glow of the TV (Tuned to EyeWatch 7? Can we check this?).

Our rebroadcast of a vintage segment by Home/Food/Style/Women's Issues/ Health/People/Trends Editor Nancy Bonfatti scooped everyone with a shot of runaway murder bride Debra Strunk playfully stabbing her future husband with what appears to be a fork at the 2002 Downtown Chili Cookenanny. I know some of you thought we should have aired the clip the moment it surfaced, but the extra time our graphics wizards spent to put that red glow in Mrs. Strunk's eyes made it a true "EyeWatch Exclusive."

Education/Pets correspondent Emily Mellor's piece at Agnew Elementary School tugged our heartstrings. She showed the right and wrong ways to tell kindergartners about runaway sex and murder.


Justice Ginsburg’s Crucial Dissent in the Texas Voter ID Case

The Jarring Experience of Watching White Americans Speak Frankly About Race

How Facebook’s New Feature Could Come in Handy During a Disaster

The Most Ingenious Teaching Device Ever Invented

Sprawl, Decadence, and Environmental Ruin in Nevada

View From Chicago

You Should Be Able to Sell Your Kidney

Or at least trade it for something.

Space: The Next Generation

An All-Female Mission to Mars

As a NASA guinea pig, I verified that women would be cheaper to launch than men.

Terrorism, Immigration, and Ebola Are Combining Into a Supercluster of Anxiety

The Legal Loophole That Allows Microsoft to Seize Assets and Shut Down Companies

  News & Politics
Oct. 17 2014 4:21 PM Why the Poor Pay $1,400 for Old iPads #MuckReads: A weekly roundup of investigative reporting from ProPublica.
Business Insider
Oct. 19 2014 11:40 AM Pot-Infused Halloween Candy Is a Worry in Colorado
Oct. 17 2014 5:26 PM Judge Begrudgingly Strikes Down Wyoming’s Gay Marriage Ban
  Double X
The XX Factor
Oct. 17 2014 1:54 PM Republican Midterm Debate Strategy: Be Pro-Life, But Not Anti-Abortion
  Slate Plus
Slate Picks
Oct. 17 2014 1:33 PM What Happened at Slate This Week?  Senior editor David Haglund shares what intrigued him at the magazine. 
Oct. 19 2014 4:33 PM Building Family Relationships in and out of Juvenile Detention Centers
Future Tense
Oct. 17 2014 6:05 PM There Is No Better Use For Drones Than Star Wars Reenactments
  Health & Science
Bad Astronomy
Oct. 19 2014 7:30 AM Persistence Pays Off: The Smoking Trail of a Shooting Star
Sports Nut
Oct. 16 2014 2:03 PM Oh What a Relief It Is How the rise of the bullpen has changed baseball.