Rubbing Him the Right WayHow to find the genie of your dreams—and keep him coming back for more.
Behold the Power of MichelleWhy are there so many powerful Michelles in Washington?
Election Day's Nine Worst Press ReleasesLa Fresh Travel Towelettes and other products no reporter wants to hear about today.
The Barack Obama Crank-Call GeneratorSlate's presidential election soundboards.
The Conservative's CanadaWhere can Republicans threaten to move if Obama wins?
The Poetry of Sarah PalinRecent works by the Republican vice presidential candidate.
The Truth About Barack ObamaRumors the Obama campaign shouldn't try to correct.
The Fake Memoirist's Survival GuideHow to embellish your life story without getting caught.
The Poetry of Roger ClemensThe Rocket's collected works.
It's Not You, It's Me Letter from a young, hip, cynical former Obamamaniac.
The Mitchell Report: American Gladiators EditionAn independent investigation into the use of steroids by Titan, Venom, and of course, Laser.
Yes, This Is Your Grandfather's FordThe Ford Lauderdale, the Volvo Vermont, and other car names that actually make sense.
FEMA, You're Doing a Heck of a JobQuestions for the agency's future fake news conferences.
Hello, Dalai!Excerpts from George W. Bush's conversations with the Dalai Lama.
Noon: Lunch With Noam ChomskyThe original requested U.S. travel itinerary for Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
Dick Cheney RemembersExcerpts from the former vice president's forthcoming memoir.
Dear President ObamaThere are a couple of embarrassing e-mails from my past that I think you should know about.
How Hillary WonAnd other unwritten campaign victory stories.
His First Name Isn't Joe. He's Not a Licensed Plumber.What else is "Joe the Plumber" hiding from the American people?
McCain's Next StuntSlate readers predict the candidate's next Hail Mary.
First Palin, Then Campaign Suspension. What Now?Slate predicts McCain's next 10 Hail Mary stunts.
Dirty Phone Tricks for the Presidential CampaignBeware, some callers have hidden agendas.
Worst Publishing Week EverA phony Holocaust memoir. A made-up tale of a gangland childhood. What's next?
The Encyclopedia BaracktannicaNow with more words and definitions!
HardballsHow would Chris Matthews sound if he talked to men like he talks to women?
Have You Heard the Good News?Iran isn't a threat, the stem cell debate is over, and the AIDS epidemic is slowing. What's next?
Picket LinesTV writers script their upcoming strike.
Happy Belated Birthday, Jean-Claude Van Damme!In his 47th year, the actor prepares to unleash his greatest performance yet.
Save the (Celebrity) Children!African family adopts Britney's kids.
Dear LindsayThe greeting cards disgraced celebrities send one another.