“I’ve Barely Prepared for This Debate. Gonna Wing It!”—Mitt RomneyThe race to lower expectations.
Introducing the Revolutionary New Apple StoreWe hope you like our remarkable, innovative designs.
Priority BoardingThe people who get on the plane before you do.
Chaos TheoryA Unified Theory of Muppet Types.
Homeschooling With Rick SantorumThe candidate teaches his children about contraception, nausea, and the separation of church and state.
Westminster Champion or Line From Ginsberg’s “Howl”?A quiz.
Great Moments in Newt HistoryImagining the strategic advice Gingrich has offered over the years.
Cheer Up, BerlusconiVladimir Putin’s sweet attempt to bolster the flagging spirits of his dear Italian friend.
The Joy of UnicornsThe real reason you never see the mythical one-horned beasts.
You Can't Measure America's GritHatred of sabermetrics comes to business and politics.
The Final EditionEXCLUSIVE: The New York Times shuts down!
Osama Bin Laden, in Pakistan, in a MansionMatch history's most-notorious fugitives to their evil lairs.
Posted This Morning on Craigslist, CairoAlso fit, fun, classy.
The Story of OWhat if Tom Friedman, Rahm Emanuel, or Helen Thomas wrote that anonymous new novel about Barack Obama?
Barack Obama's 2010 Holiday CardA rough second year for the first family.
How Would Mitt Romney Fix the Mitt Romney Campaign?Imagining a Bain Capital takeover.
Who Is the Republican National Convention’s Mystery Guest?Our best guesses.
The Lost Endings to The Great GatsbyFor his masterpiece, Hemingway wrote 47 endings. Fitzgerald wrote 48!
Kale of DutyWhy I choose to eat nothing but kale, ever, for the rest of my life.
Why I Am Leaving Sea WorldResignation letters from Shamu’s trainer, Roger Goodell, and other disillusioned employees.
ACIA new way of measuring pretentiousness.
Bankers Evicted From Nation’s EconomyThe mayor’s statement.
The Republican War on Trick-or-TreatingThe right doesn't want our kids to take handouts.
Lizzie Borden, Dancing the Cha Cha ChaDancing With the Stars casts through the ages.
Tackling a Person of InterestWhat to expect from the Secret Service's new Twitter feed.
Cats of WarThe Pentagon's top-secret feline special-operations program, revealed.
"If I Ran the Team …"We would win every game: A poem for the opening day of baseball season.
Made in USAAmericans should be proud of their fine domestic tear gas.
Field of GreensThe dreaded broccoli uprising and other freaky GOP nightmares.
The Corpse Stays in the PictureAn undead actor shares a lifetime of delicious show business anecdotes.