Brad Pitt Attacked by Bears?
Plus, Ashton Kutcher vs. Emilio Estevez.
Jennifer and Vince, supposedly engaged.
Life & Style trumpets an "Exclusive!", detailed, and dubious report claiming that Aniston and Vaughn are engaged. Vaughn supposedly proposed early one mid-October morning, and a "friend of the couple" says Aniston "made him wait until midnight before giving him an answer. She finally told him, 'Yes ... but just not yet.' " The tab makes any sighting of either star evidence of blissful coupledom. Here's Aniston spotted at a benefit: "Though she didn't bring Vince as her date, 'she had the glow of a woman in love,' says a witness."
Star's Prenup Special!
Star reports that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are currently hammering out a deal. The major sticking point: Pitt's visitation rights for Jolie's two adopted children, "who already think of him as their daddy." "Brad's friend" tells the tab that "Angelina wants Brad to give up any claim on her children in the prenup … I think he'd sign anything if it got Angelina to agree to marry him." Another "source" says that Katie Holmes "freaked out" when Tom Cruise asked her to sign a prenup—but he "finally sold a tearful Katie on the agreement by telling her 'that it's for her protection.' "
Ashton Kutcher is jealous of Emilio Estevez.
Life & Style reports that Kutcher is nervous about wife Demi Moore's upcoming role in Emilio Estevez's film Baby, which Estevez wrote and will direct. Moore and Estevez got together in 1985 on the set of St. Elmo's Fire—Ashton was 8—and got engaged that same year before breaking up in 1987. "Ashton's even told Demi he's panicking and feeling jealous," according to "a friend of the couple."
The Enquirer clarifies.
Seven months after being sued by Ashley Olsen for running the cover headline "Ashley Olsen Caught In A Drug Scandal," the Enquirer has issued the following bogus "Clarification": "The National Enquirer wants to make clear to its readers that, by its cover and headlines, it did not intend to accuse Ms. Olsen of being involved in any drug scandal."
Brad vs. bears.
The Enquirer says that Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and her children were heading home to his hideaway in the Calgary wilderness when they heard "scary noises coming from inside!" Thinking he'd caught a burglar or paparazzo, "Brad hustled Ange and kiddies into the car, tiptoed back to the house, barged in bravely and … ROARRR! … suddenly came snout-to-snout with two burly black bears who were rampaging around his kitchen! Brad back-pedaled fast, slammed the door and high-tailed it to the car!" Turns out they had been attracted to his kitchen by the food they smelled in there, and Pitt reportedly had to endure a lecture from the Canuck police about keeping his doors and windows locked.
Wilmer Valderrama's seduction technique.
Star reports that Fez has been rocking some peculiar pickup lines. "A source" says, "I've heard him say, 'Hey, babe, you want to come back to my place with my five bodyguards?' … He also likes to tell them he knows Ashton Kutcher."
Funny, it didn't seem like Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett were together that long.
Star and the Enquirer both claim that Julia Roberts' three-year-old marriage to Danny Moder is on the rocks. The Enquirer reports on Roberts' not-actually-scandalous-sounding trip to Seattle to visit a male friend on his 40th birthday. Roberts had apparently left town before the festivities got under way, rendering the tabs' tick-tock description of her pal's birthday party rather anti-climactic. ("I didn't see Julia Roberts, but Joel was at the bar until 1am," a waitress said. "There was a cake and a band called Honky Kong.") Star uses the occasion to reflect on Roberts' romantic history, including her 21-month-long marriage to singer Lyle Lovett: The pair wed in June 1993, the tab notes, "but by March 2005, the odd couple's marriage was over." I should say so.
Ben Wasserstein is an associate editor at New York magazine.
Photograph of Brad Pitt on the Slate home page by Lionel Hahn/KRT.