Demi and Ashton wed! Various reports indicate that Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher wed last weekend in a surprise Kabbalah ceremony. Us quotes "a source" saying "everybody expected Demi to cry, but it was Ashton who cried his eyeballs out. … He couldn't stop the tears all night. He was so happy and in love with her, it was unbelievable."In Touch says the wedding was a long time coming: "According to an insider, the couple had planned to marry earlier in the year, but the date had been postponed three times ... because their Kabbalah advisors warned them the dates were inauspicious."
Charlie Sheen, monk."Denise to Charlie: NO SEX!" reports Star. The actor is making progress in his attempt to reconcile with estranged wife Denise Richards—who filed divorce papers in March amid rumors of Sheen's wandering eye—but an "insider" says, "There haven't been any sleepovers." Sheen is said to be "currently living what another friend describes as a 'monk-like existence.' "
Brad and Angelina go for groceries. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were photographed hopping on matching silver BMW motorcycles leaving a Safeway in Alberta, Canada. Us has a quote from a narration-happy "onlooker": "They were all smiles. … An adventurous Angelina showed she is everything Jennifer Aniston is not." The mag also quotes a "source close to the couple" saying, "They are getting married very soon. … We are talking weeks." One sign of a lasting relationship is when lovers expose each other to new ideas. Us notes that Jolie will be the spokeswoman for the St. John clothing label. " 'Brad turned her onto endorsements,' says a source."
Will Smith thinks of everything.
To congratulate his wife Jada Pinkett Smith on her band's final Ozzfest show, Smith reportedly filled a private plane with balloons and flowers and whisked her home. But that wasn't all. Pinkett Smith told Us, "And he had a van waiting to take the flowers and donate them to a children's hospital."
Tom Cruise gets press-savvy.
According to Janice Min's editor's letter in Us, Tom Cruise called up the magazine and invited a staffer onto the set of Mission: Impossible 3. It appears the gambit paid off. Here's Min's recap: "Between takes an assistant handed Cruise a cellphone. 'It's Kate,' she said of his fiancée, Katie Holmes. 'Tom beamed as he spoke to her!' says [the Us'reporter]!" Happy phone calls aside, Star reports that the couple are disagreeing about the wedding; she wants to have it at a resort in Mexico, while he's advocating for L.A.'s Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre. Wherever it takes place, the wedding is still going forward; Star claims "a source says [Holmes] will even change her name to Kate Cruise."
Anna Nicole Smith has no respect for Tara Reid.
The former E! network star takes shots at the channel's latest blonde in her Enquirer column. "Tara Reid's show on E! got cancelled. Now there's a shocker! I didn't even know she had a show in the first place! … I think the worst my show ever did was around twice [Reid's ratings], and that was bad enough!"
TODAY IN SLATE
The Democrats’ War at Home
How can the president’s party defend itself from the president’s foreign policy blunders?
An Iranian Woman Was Sentenced to Death for Killing Her Alleged Rapist. Can Activists Save Her?
Piper Kerman on Why She Dressed Like a Hitchcock Heroine for Her Prison Sentencing
Windows 8 Was So Bad That Microsoft Will Skip Straight to Windows 10
We Need to Talk: A Terrible Name for a Good Women’s Sports Show
Cringing. Ducking. Mumbling.
How GOP candidates react whenever someone brings up reproductive rights or gay marriage.
How Even an Old Hipster Can Age Gracefully
On their new albums, Leonard Cohen, Robert Plant, and Loudon Wainwright III show three ways.