Sometimes, all a family court judge can do is listen.

Two murders—on opposite sides of the country—have transfixed the media in recent weeks, as only the most gruesome family tragedies do. In each case, a parent was murdered while dropping off a child for a court-ordered custody switch; and in each case, the surviving parent quickly became a suspect and almost immediately lost custody. Both families had been tumbling around for years in the family courts. And both murders followed immediately upon custody proceedings in which the surviving parent felt they'd gone completely unheard by a family court judge.

Two dead parents, two orphaned children, and two surviving adults certain they were robbed of a chance to be heard-out in court. It hardly justifies murder or even threats of murder. But it does go a long way toward explaining why family law judges have the toughest job on earth—persuading both sides they were fully heard, while making fundamental changes to the structure of their lives.

Last week in Las Vegas, Reno, Nev., millionaire Darren Mack shocked the court by pleading guilty, midtrial, to killing his estranged wife, Charla, in June 2006. Allegedly, Mack stabbed her to death in his garage during a custody transfer, as their 8-year-old daughter watched television upstairs. He then drove to the courthouse, shot sniper-style at his family court judge, Chuck Weller, in his third-floor chambers, and fled town. Mack also entered an Alford plea—admitting there was enough evidence to convict him of shooting the judge but claiming he had not intended to kill. (Disclosure: I worked on Mack's first divorce case when I clerked at a family law firm in Reno. I never met Judge Weller.)

Also last month, Dr. Daniel Malakov, a dentist, was shot to death at point-blank range as he entered a playground in Queens, N.Y., with his 4-year-old daughter, Michelle. They were at the playground for a visitation drop-off to her mother, Dr. Mazoltuv Borukhova. Amid all sorts of claims and cross-claims of abuse and neglect, Borukhova lost custody of Michelle last week, and the child is in foster care. Police questioned Borukhova for nine hours in an effort to determine whether she had been involved in the murder. She is not currently a suspect, although death threats by her family and other disturbing behavior have the police investigating whether this was a paid hit.

Both the Mack and Malakov families had been involved in protracted divorce and custody proceedings that were striking—even by family court standards—for their ugliness. The Macks had been arguing, among other things, over a million-dollar residence, primary physical custody of their only child, a $200,000 diamond ring, and unpaid alimony. They had been ordered to have no contact. Malakov and Borukhova had also waged a bitter custody battle over Michelle, with Borukhova's unproven allegations of sexual abuse by Malakov countered by his contention that she was interfering with his visitation rights.

We may never know what caused these two custody battles to devolve into violence and death threats. But it may not be a coincidence that both Mack and Borukhova felt wronged by the family courts. Mack was convinced his family court judge was persecuting him, and Borukhova had apparently lost custody without a hearing.

In the weeks before he murdered Charla, Darren Mack was frustrated and then enraged by Judge Weller's interim custody and support order, which resulted in shared physical custody and the requirement that Darren pay Charla $10,000 per month in interim spousal support. Darren didn't pay, Weller found him in contempt, and Darren declared bankruptcy. Convinced that Weller "had made up his mind prior to coming to court, … didn't like him and no matter what he did, Weller would rule against him," as a friend explained, Darren launched a crusade. In a video taped before the murder, he compared family judges to Nazis and claimed it was time to "take a stand" against the injustices in the court—just like "our forefathers did in 1776." After the shooting, he left a message on his cousin's answering machine demanding, "If anything happens to me, please make sure that the true story about the injustices that are going on in that courtroom get out to the media and the public."

When Mack agreed to plead guilty last week, it was only after extracting from Judge Douglas Herndon, who oversaw his murder trial, the promise that he could tell his side of the alleged crime. Mack agreed to the guilty plea because, as he put it, "at my sentencing … I will have all the time I need, because there are some very important things I would like to share. I have remained quiet thru this whole thing and now I would like to come forward and speak."