So, add this to your list of resolutions—put it at the bottom so it's still there when you've given up on all the rest: I will start now to become the octogenarian (nonagenarian if you've got the guts) of my choice. Gradually adjust your gait (curmudgeons stalk, martyrs creep up, etc.), your manner of speaking (grande dames may want to acquire a mild case of Locust Valley lockjaw, roués might pick up a few phrases en français)—and, if your role demands it, start making subtle inquiries about the choice of a plastic surgeon. Good luck, or, as they say in showbiz (which after all is what we're talking about), break a leg! Just be careful not to break your hip.
TODAY IN SLATE
The Budget Disaster that Sabotaged the WHO’s Response to Ebola
How Movies Like Contagion and Outbreak Distort Our Response to Real Epidemics
PowerPoint Is the Worst, and Now It’s the Latest Way to Hack Into Your Computer
Everything You Should Know About Today’s Eclipse
An Unscientific Ranking of Really, Really Old German Beers
Welcome to 13th Grade!
Some high schools are offering a fifth year. That’s a great idea.
The Actual World
“Mount Thoreau” and the naming of things in the wilderness.