The birds and the bees... and the beasts.

With the official arrival of summer, the staff here at Fraywatch is finding it hard to keep our focus trained on the heavy topics of recent headlines. In our last several items, we've offered hard-hitting coverage of such hot-button issues as Paris Hilton, marijuana, and Angelina Jolie. All this high-minded punditry creates a very real risk of burn-out in lesser lights such as ourselves.

So, while we cool our temples in Pacific coastal waters, we'll be phoning it in this first weekend of summer. According to the yellow pages, there are only two critical steps to phoning in a column: (1) rip off an idea from one of the Fraysters; and (2) talk about animals. Today's victim of idea theft is topazz, long-time author of a delightful semiregular game entitled "Overheard on the Fray"—a cute little smorgasbord of out-of-context quotes culled from hither and thither. Today's theme is, of course, animals:

Monkey see, monkey do: "I once worked with a signing chimp who had a fetish for hats. He would demand that you put one on as soon as you entered his environment and start masturbating while looking at you."—Ciarda tells a workplace story in the Human Nature Fray.

Nothing compares:"Because apples are red or green with a thin skin and a dense core where the seeds are concentrated and oranges are, well, orange with a thick rind and seeds spread throughout the pulp?"—vnk dares to compare in the Fighting Words Fray.

Ink from the pigpen: "What is hogwash anyway? Do modern factory farms ever bother to wash their hogs?"—bubba_barry wonders aloud in the Press Box Fray.

Dancing the beeline: "I have never kept bees, only been backstage as a musician, and my only sense of dance is that it is a controllable form of vertigo."—Bratsche confesses to the Poems Fray.

Be very afraid: "Any idiot knows a tiger shark can live in the clouds for weeks if needed for a cold front to make it across from the west coast to Kansas."—meridiantoo spreads the alarm in the Explainer Fray.

Eye of the beholder: "Living creatures should never be used as 'art.' That includes those creepy photos of babies dressed as hedgehogs and bumblebees that my weirdo coworker has all over her office."—SWR delivers a manifesto to the Medical Examiner Fray.

A rosé by any other name: "My taste buds have elevated the standard wine tasting mantras to an even more intrinsic awareness of the flavor, aroma and body of a good wine: 'Tastes like chicken.' "—Sonnaille provides some tasteless criticism in the Drink Fray.

Step one: "Shave your dog and give it a jail-house tattoo in the shape of a Taco Bell logo."—Instructions from Zeitguy to the Sandbox Fray.