Flytrap Goes for Baroque

Aug. 8 1998 3:30 AM

Flytrap Goes for Baroque

A roundup of Lewinsky conspiracy theories.

(Continued from Page 2)

The Mea Culpa Theories

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1) The White House has already contacted the networks to reserve television time (on either Aug. 16 or Aug. 17) for a Clinton apology.

2) White House staffers, including Chief of Staff Erskine Bowles, are contacting members of Congress to see how they would react to a mea culpa.

The Internal Dissent Theories

1) A corollary to "Mea Culpa 2" above. White House staffers are not contacting members of Congress about a mea culpa, but they are leaking the story that they are contacting members. They are doing this to pressure Clinton to apologize. They must use the media and rumor to communicate with the president, because they are not allowed to talk to him about Flytrap directly.

2) Bruce Lindsey is about to turn on Clinton to save himself. Or, more plausibly, Lindsey just had back surgery in order to delay his testimony. Now he won't testify till after Clinton, giving Lindsey a chance to mold his story to support the president.

Some of the conspiracies are so peculiar, so much the product of an alien genius that they can't be categorized. These come untouched from the inky void of Flytrap, both courtesy of Slate readers:

1) The Starr investigation is not focusing on Lewinsky and obstruction of justice. It is really concerned with White House drug use. Tripp testified for eight days, because she was providing evidence about narcotics.

2) Clinton is not planning either to apologize or to fight the Lewinsky allegations. In fact, having implemented his entire political agenda and revived the economy, he is preparing to resign.

Remember what comes after the Baroque era: the Enlightenment.

A final note on another subject. During her 20 second press briefing (that's a briefing!) last night, Lewinsky spokeswoman Judy Smith offered this absurd bit of one-upmanship. Monica, declared Smith, testified "truthfully, completely, and honestly."

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