Tell it, sister, tell it!
Higher gas prices are good because they make everybody bike and take public transit like they should!
America isn't the greatest nation in the world. We think it is only because it's our country. Duh!
America won't be the world's most powerful nation forever. And you know what? Handing that responsibility off will be a relief!
America's official languages should be English and Spanish!
Judges should legislate from the bench if they want to. Conservatives do it, so why not liberals?
I do not accept Jesus Christ as my personal savior! I don't even believe in God!
What's so great about the Judeo-Christian tradition?
Big-city values are better than small-town values!
I'm glad the Muslims whupped the Christians during the Crusades! Served 'em right!
This is better than sex, don't you think?
We need a shorter work week!
Employees who work more than 40 hours a week should always get overtime.
We're going to need affirmative action for a long time.
We're undertaxed. Look at Europe!
Terrorism isn't that big a threat to America!
I'm not a "progressive," for Pete's sake. I'm a liberal!
I'm not a "liberal," for Pete's sake. I'm a leftist!
I'm not a "leftist," for Pete's sake. I'm a democraticsocialist!
I'm not a democratic socialist, for Pete's sake. I'm a Communist! Just kidding!
Let's bring back the era of big government.
Walter Mondale would have made an excellent president!
Did I mention that my most conservative Slate colleague, a loyal Republican, enjoyed contributing to this list most of all?
It's not enough that the top 5 percent pays 55 percent of our taxes. Why not 75 percent? Believe me, they can afford it!
Prostitution is a victimless crime! Don't outlaw it; regulate it, so we can arrest physically abusive pimps, limit the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, and halt sexual trafficking in minors!
Ronald Reagan was a crummy president!
Broad availability of gay marriage: good. Broad availability of gay divorce: better!
You want to know why George W. Bush was a lousy president? Because he's stupid!
Pornography is good for your marriage because it teaches you new sexual techniques!
The problem with public schools is private schools!
All right, enough for now. Mustn't use them all up before Inauguration Day. But that sure did feel good. I'm taking the rest of the day off.