Aptronym (n): A name that inadvertently describes its bearer’s occupation. Widely attributed to Franklin P. Adams, aka “F.P.A.,” whose newspaper column, “The Conning Tower,” was popular during the 1920s and 1930s.
Wayne Schmuck, a used-car distributor, was convicted of mail fraud in Wisconsin for selling dealers used cars whose odometers he’d reset. Schmuck appealed all the way to the Supreme Court, which upheld his conviction in its unforgettably named decision, Schmuck v. United States.
Fred Karr was for many years a driver’s ed teacher in Ann Arbor, Mich.
Rosalind G. Brewer was appointed in March to the board of directors of Molson Coors Brewing Company. Molson Coors issued a press release. Wouldn’t you?
Ravi Tailor is master cutter and managing director of Anthony J. Hewitt, bespoke tailors and shirtmakers of Savile Row, London.
Roger Printup is registrar at Stanford University.
Dr. William J. Whitehead is a dermatologist in Germantown, Tenn.
Updated Aptronym Yellow Pages:
Acupuncture
Dr. Aena Han Payne (University of Mississippi)
Anger Management
Dr. Richard Madden (Hudson, N.Y.)
Astronomers
Alan Heavens (University of Edinburgh)
Automotive
Fred Karr, drivers-ed instructor (Ann Arbor, Mich.)
Wayne Schmuck, used-car distributor convicted of fraud for resetting odometers (Wisconsin).
Cabinet Secretaries
Margaret Spellings (Secretary of Education)
Clergy
Jaime Lachica Cardinal Sin (former archbishop of Manila)
Climatologists
Elizabeth Weatherhead (Boulder, Colo.)
Dermatologists
Roger Whitehead (Germantown, Pa.)
Dentists/Orthodontists
Ngoc Quang Chu, DDS (Bethesda, Md.)
Dr. Ravi Doctor (Arlington, Va. A dentist so nice you call him “doctor” twice!)
Dalbert Fear, Jr., DDS (Ann Arbor, Mich.)
Ken Hurt, DDS (Albuquerque, N.M.)
Kenneth Krowne, DDS (Brookline, Mass.)
Les Plack, DDS (San Francisco, Calif.)
Anthony J. Puller, DDS (Richmond, Va.)
Randall Toothaker, DDS (University of Nebraska Medical Center)
Barth, Lacy, and Craig Toothman (Columbus, Ohio)
Economists
David Dollar (economist at the World Bank)
Electricians
Joe Shockey (Seven Hills, Ohio)
Food Critics
Jamie Maw (Vancouver magazine)
Football Players
Brian Baldinger (former defensive lineman, Dallas Cowboys, Indianapolis Colts *, and Philadelphia Eagles)
Joey Goodspeed (former running back, St. Louis Rams)
Quentin Jammer (cornerback for the San Diego Chargers)
Willie Thrower (first black quarterback in the NFL)
Garment Industry
Ravi Tailor, master cutter and managing director of Anthony J. Hewitt, bespoke tailors and shirtmakers of Saville Row (London).
Gastroenterologists
Dr. Angel Colon * (Washington, D.C.)
Gynecologists
Dr. Bonnie Beaver (West Hills, Calif.)
Dr. Harry Beaver, retired (Fairfax, Va.)
Sheldon H. Cherry (New York, N.Y.)
Dr. Hyman Meltzer, deceased (Chicago)
Laywers
Jeffrey M. Advokat, (Morristown, N.J.)
Sue Yoo (Sullivan & Cromwell, New York, N.Y.)
Leadership Expert
Jack Christ (Ripon College, Ripon, Wis.)Liquor
Rosalind G. Brewer, board member, Molson Coors Brewing Co.
Lobbyists
Leon Billings
Robert Cashdollar
Nanotechnology
Richard Superfine (University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill)
Novelists/Essayists
Francine Prose (New York, N.Y.)
Office Supplies and Equipment
Dean Boring, president, Boring Office Supplies (Lakeland, Fla.)
Opthalmologists
Dr. Kevin Blinder (Washington University)
Ornithologists
David Bird (director, Avian Science and Conservation Center, McGill University, Canada)
Performing Arts
Sarah Slipper (former dancer with the Royal Winnipeg Ballet)
Podiatrists
Dr. Allen Korn (Washington, D.C.)
Poker Champions
Chris Moneymaker (Spring Hill, Tenn.)
Police
John Lawless (Haverstraw, N.Y.)
Psychologists/Psychiatrists
Dr. Jules Angst (emeritus professor of psychiatry, University of Zurich)
Ellen Winner (author of Gifted Children: Myths and Realities; professor of psychology at Boston College)
Roberta L. Nutt, Ph.D. (director, Counseling Psychology Doctoral Program, Texas Women’s University)
William Dement, M.D. (professor of psychiatry and behavioral science at Stanford)
Race-car Drivers
Scott Goodyear
Scott Speed
Rapists, Convicted
Robert Raper (Boston, Mass.)
Realtors
Ann Greathouse (Pittsburgh, Pa.)
Cynthia Houser (Silver Spring, Md.)
Regulators
Charles H. Bronson (oversees Florida’s “concealed carry” program allowing ordinary citizens to pack heat)
Religion, Professors of
Terry Godlove (Hofstra University)
Risk Management
John C. Chicken (author, The Philosophy of Risk)
Sexual Misconduct Researcher
Charol Shakeshaft
Spokespersons
Am Rong (Khmer Rouge spokesman, Cambodia)
Tony Snow (Washington, D.C.)
Larry Speakes (Reagan White House flak)
Textiles
Laura Knott-Twine, (founder, Windham Textile and History Museum in Windham, Conn., known as “Thread City.”)
University Administration
Roger Printup, registrar (Stanford University)
Urologists
Dr. Richard (“Dick”) Chopp (Austin, Texas)
Dr. Dennis Peters (Pensacola, Fla.)
Dr. Alexander Philpott (Wheat Ridge, Colo.)
Dr. Keith Waterhouse, retired (New York, N.Y.)
*updated; previously listed for Anapolis, Md.
