Shooting From the Hip
Subject: My Exit Poll Results
From: Will Allen
Date: Sat Feb 19
As a South Carolina resident I am pleased to give "The Fray" my exit poll results. The size of the sample was one. The vote was cast for McCain. When queried, the sample provided the issue that was most important in influencing the decision: The Bush campaign bugged the sample more often with telemarketing than McCain.
In the midst of a very busy week, the sample was bothered by the governor's posse a total of six times, while the senator's crew only distracted the sample from pressing business once. Furthermore, the senator's effort consisted of a taped message from the senator himself stating in a reasonable voice what a swell fellow the senator is, while the calls from the governor's campaign consisted of clumsy, amateurish people screeching to the sample that Sen. McCain in all likelihood had "666" tattooed somewhere on his body. The sample concluded that a group that was less competent than the average long-distance provider in terms of enticing people probably would not govern effectively, and since the sample had little affinity with either candidate, the sample cast a vote for McCain simply because he was less irritating.
The sample was asked why the vote wasn't cast for Keyes, since the ambassador neglected to bother the sample once with a telemarketing call. The sample believed that removing the ambassador from his position between the governor and the senator in the next debate may encourage fisticuffs, which would provide alternative cable to WWF smackdown.
Democracy in action.
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Subject: Keyes—Consistently Loony
