The First Bimbo

Taking stock of people and ideas in the news.
Jan. 30 1999 3:30 AM

The First Bimbo

Monica Lewinsky, patriot.

18000_18128_brodner_monicadollmain

She is the most famous person since Helen Keller to achieve her notoriety without uttering a single public word. Not long ago, she toured an art exhibition at a private gallery on Manhattan's Upper East Side. "She was sweet and charming," recalls the artist, who is a friend of mine. "It was a complete surprise."

Advertisement

We call her Monica because, as with all incredibly famous people, we feel we know her. But we actually know very little. All that may change next week when she gives her deposition in the impeachment trial, even though her testimony will be behind irksomely closed doors. Afterward, perhaps she'll grant us a public word or two on the Capitol steps. It would be the first time we will have heard her voice--except on Linda Tripp's tapes.

18000_18129_brodner_monicapaperdevil

T here are hints on those tapes that we are doing Monica an injustice in regarding her as a vacuous vixen. "I could not live with myself if I caused trouble," she told Tripp that fateful day a year ago at the Pentagon City Ritz-Carlton, shortly before Kenneth Starr's boys showed up to make her immortal. "That is just not my nature. I am a good person." 

Is it possible she's right? That--despite having caused trouble big-time--she is a good person? And maybe not so dumb, either. In one of her marathon phone confessions with Tripp, she even makes a shrewd case that in seducing the president, she was serving the public interest.

"Every ... president we have ever had has always had lovers because the pressure of the job is too much," she lectured her friend Linda. "[It's] too much to always rely on your wife, with whom you have too much baggage. ... I think it's bad for the country." Others besides Clinton have called on young people to perform a period of national service, in or out of the military. Monica the Marine ain't gonna happen. But Lewinsky, a star-spangled patriot, was eager to take on the selfless role of first bimbo.

Even genocidal monsters like Pol Pot's bathing-suit-clad henchmen get more respectful treatment from the press than Monica. Let me quote from the opening lines of a hoked-up exposé in the New York Post two weeks ago: "Sexgate siren Monica Lewinsky tried to cheer up with a chocoholic chow-down. Lewinsky indulged her notorious sweet tooth at a low-cal Madison Avenue bakery. But fat chance she's on a diet." A few nights later, Jay Leno cracked, "I have two words for people who think that sex burns calories--Monica Lewinsky."

By my reckoning, Monica's road to public ridicule was paved by four mistakes--and on each fateful occasion she was encouraged by a much older co-conspirator. These are Monica's maladroit miscues:

1. She was the sexual aggressor using the snap of her thong as a modern-day replacement for a come-hither look. That gesture forever branded her as wanton, but it was Clinton who wanted. Succumbing to a glimpse of thong is not sexual harassment, but of the two of them, Monica is not the one who most clearly should have known better.

2. She pressured the president to find her a job in New York. True, but it was Tripp, in the role of Iago, who originally suggested that she enlist Vernon Jordan and his vast Rolodex in her quest to sample the bounty of the private sector. Anyway, she was right to perceive that this is how you get fancy jobs in New York, with or without the sex angle.

18000_18130_brodner_monicapaperblonde

3. She signed a false affidavit in the Paula Jones case. Whatever your beliefs about the formal obstruction of justice case against Clinton, Lewinsky clearly intuited that her mendacity would please the president. If anyone deserves to take refuge in the everybody-lies-about-sex defense, it is Monica, not Clinton.

TODAY IN SLATE

Politics

The Democrats’ War at Home

How can the president’s party defend itself from the president’s foreign policy blunders?

Congress’ Public Shaming of the Secret Service Was Political Grandstanding at Its Best

Michigan’s Tradition of Football “Toughness” Needs to Go—Starting With Coach Hoke

A Plentiful, Renewable Resource That America Keeps Overlooking

Animal manure.

Windows 8 Was So Bad That Microsoft Will Skip Straight to Windows 10

Politics

Cringing. Ducking. Mumbling.

How GOP candidates react whenever someone brings up reproductive rights or gay marriage.

Building a Better Workplace

You Deserve a Pre-cation

The smartest job perk you’ve never heard of.

Hasbro Is Cracking Down on Scrabble Players Who Turn Its Official Word List Into Popular Apps

Florida State’s New President Is Underqualified and Mistrusted. He Just Might Save the University.

  News & Politics
Politics
Sept. 30 2014 9:33 PM Political Theater With a Purpose Darrell Issa’s public shaming of the head of the Secret Service was congressional grandstanding at its best.
  Business
Moneybox
Sept. 30 2014 7:02 PM At Long Last, eBay Sets PayPal Free
  Life
Gaming
Sept. 30 2014 7:35 PM Who Owns Scrabble’s Word List? Hasbro says the list of playable words belongs to the company. Players beg to differ.
  Double X
The XX Factor
Sept. 30 2014 12:34 PM Parents, Get Your Teenage Daughters the IUD
  Slate Plus
Behind the Scenes
Sept. 30 2014 3:21 PM Meet Jordan Weissmann Five questions with Slate’s senior business and economics correspondent.
  Arts
Brow Beat
Sept. 30 2014 8:54 PM Bette Davis Talks Gender Roles in a Delightful, Animated Interview From 1963
  Technology
Future Tense
Sept. 30 2014 7:00 PM There’s Going to Be a Live-Action Tetris Movie for Some Reason
  Health & Science
Medical Examiner
Sept. 30 2014 11:51 PM Should You Freeze Your Eggs? An egg freezing party is not a great place to find answers to this or other questions.
  Sports
Sports Nut
Sept. 30 2014 5:54 PM Goodbye, Tough Guy It’s time for Michigan to fire its toughness-obsessed coach, Brady Hoke.