Entry 3:

Dear Alex,

Your question contains a false assumption, namely that the perpetrators of these art crimes should be punished at all. As you know, I do not believe in free will. Hence, like Clarence Darrow and Arthur Koestler, I oppose all forms of retributive punishment.

The last time I went to the Gardner Museum, there was a little sign on the wall where the stolen Vermeer picture used to hang. It said: "If you have any information as to the whereabouts of this painting, please contact Interpol." Now, how are you supposed to contact Interpol? When I looked in the Manhattan telephone directory, the closest thing I could find was "Interpool."

Have you seen the new Woody Allen film, Hollywood Ending? It's quite good. I chuckled throughout, which really means something because I have very little sense of humor. But one thing bothered me. When his ex-wife says that their marriage wasn't going anywhere, the Woody Allen character says, "At a certain point marriages aren't supposed to go anywhere. They just lay there." I must say I was shocked by Allen's intransitive use of the verb "lay." It made me think of Byron's "there let him lay" in Line 180 of "Childe Harold," which is generally regarded as the most notorious solecism in English poetry. Was Woody Allen affecting a Byronic indifference to commonplace grammar? Shame.

Woody Allen's French, by the way, is becoming pretty good, more fluid than his English. The other week I saw him being interviewed on French television, and he even managed to pull off a couple of subjunctive constructions. Parisians were agog. I must stop thinking about grammar all the time. Otherwise I'll end up like the pedantic adulterer: "No, my dear, it is I who am surprised. You are astounded."

Cordially,
Jim