Entry 11:

Well,

I don't think I'm a panda crank, at least not in David's league, but I can't say I'm the panda enthusiast you appear to be. I guess since you don't have to park, it's no big deal to brave the crowds. My first reaction whenever there is some sort of blockbuster phenomenon in town is to wait it out. I'll see the pandas once it's warm. Eli won't know the difference.

I was thrilled with the SUV and diet stories. I, too, have witnessed the Atkins craze with bemusement, watching friends consume 8,000-calorie steaks and salads with heavy dressing at lunch and treat the rolls as if they were coated in raw sewage. As for the SUV story, full disclosure is in order: We may be buying a used SUV from my parents. I promise (and expect) to be utterly self-loathing as a result, but, of course, Now That We Have Kids our lousy 10-plus-year-old cars that can barely accommodate a car seat are just one step short of child abuse.

(Another real-time crisis. As if the nepotism angle of this "Breakfast Table" weren't pronounced enough already, I have just received a phone call from my sister, who read our messages and then took the highly inadvisable step of posting to "The Fray." I warn anyone who may have said something that could be perceived as uncomplimentary that my sister is very protective.)

And speaking of child abuse, the answers are:

1. Yes, but only long enough to wash poop off my hands. (We got a big lecture on leaving babies on changing tables at our first visit to the pediatrician.)
2. Yes, but I do try to sniff to be sure it's nothing that can't wait.
3. No, but only because he won't tolerate it.
4. No, and how the hell did that happen?

I have a few of my own:

5. Do you allow your child to continue to wear poop-stained clothes? Fresh poop, or only the stains left after the garment has been through the wash?
6. Have you ever drawn blood clipping your child's fingernails? Have you even tried to clip your child's toenails?
7. Do you change your child's clothes every day, or do you wait until they have become stiff and/or stinky?
8. Have you ever dropped hot food on your child's head while trying to eat with him in the front carrier?

Tomorrow, a report on my mommy group.

M